Friday, August 31, 2007

Who Doesn't Love Gallagher?

Sometimes my inner-dialogue comes up with some corny-ass jokes. Gallagher-like jokes. So here's a bit of Labor Day humor...

What's the deal with getting a day off of work for Labor Day? Shouldn't we work extra hard on this day.

Apologies to Gallagher if I've ripped off that lame non-joke.

Pretty Awesome

Who says today's young people are apathetic. After watching this clip, I think you'll agree that the kids are all right.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Not. Fucking. Awesome.

This evening, I had to drive home from Michigan after a work-related event. I got on the road about 10pm. It's a 2 hour trip, so I reasonably expected to get home around midnight. So what's your point, you ask? Good question.

I didn't get home until closer to 1am. Why? Oh, I don't know, perhaps because they shut down the ramp from the sky way to 90/94 forcing every car and god damn truck onto State St.

Sweet. Closing down a major high for a bit makes sense. I have a certain expectation of not hitting major traffic after 9pm on a week day. Apparently I need to blow that expecation up.

So I was pissed the whole ride home. I just wanted to scream to, not at, somebody. Then I heard a BBC piece on the radio about the first anniversary of Katrina.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Is it...Really?

If you read below you can see R. Dukes's live blog of the UFC "event" on Saturday night. I use the term "event" lightly as it was 3 dudes, a PlayStation, and some beer. Awesome if you're married...I'm not so this gets entered into the some-what awesome category (I reserve the right to change the status of this at anytime based upon the fact I can do what ever I want to).

So we watched a 3 good hours of man on man "professional" violence. The whole time a decent portion of the octagon was covered in blood. No, not a pool of blood, but someone in an earlier bout really bled a lot. Well after the title bout, which for a change lasted more than 47 seconds, they began to show one of the previous matches. Seeing as I paid my portion of the $60 buy-in I wanted to see the guy who bled all over the place. AMERICA! Fuck yeah!!

Nope, they didn't show it. When I spoke with the Dukes this morning right before he dumped out he said that the UFC chose not to show the previous nights blood-bath in a flailing effort to maintain the "professional" standard of a sport that is all about 2 guys beating the shit out of each other. Yet strangely enough, near the end of the Pay-Per-View extravaganza, there was a promo for the upcoming season of the Ultimate Fighter TV show. On this promo they had 2 short interviews with the new coaches for both teams and then about 4 minutes of twenty-something men breaking shit, kicking in doors, spitting at one another, cursing, and fighting outside of the "professional" setting that is the UFC Octagon.

OK, I get it. You want to establish yourself as a legitimate sport with professional fighters, we'll call it boxing minus Don King, but then why do you insist on having a reality-show in search of the next generation of "professional" fighters and recruit all but giant fucking meat-heads to be on it. I am all for calling things for what they are but this is not even close.

Lesson of the day...UFC 74: RESPECT didn't earn mine.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

In the Continual Search of Awesome

In so much as I can surmise there is a universal understanding of what is awesome. The problem is on what side of that line you end up. According to our benevolent father, R. Dukes, I may lie closer to the non-awesome line than him but we still share a common goal of being as awesome as ever.

In case you are still a little fuzzy about what is or what isn't awesome here are some more examples. They will speak for themselves but I won't be HARSH about it if you don't understand...


Not Awesome

Maddox 1
Maddox 2

Not Awesome

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Of course...

just when I stop my "live" blogging, the fight fucking ends.

I don't think it should've been stopped at that point. But that doesn't matter, because it was just a matter of time.

One thing no one is likely to comment on: I think Couture should lose because it was an inadvertant head butt that caused the nose being busted.

Update: Couture just admitted it. He butted Gonzaga's nose in order to win the fight.

Oh wait, Rogan's got something to say now that Couture's cock is out of his mouth.

Nevermind. He's just talking about how good Couture's cock and balls taste, even when sweaty.

Live Blogging for Real

Herb Dean is the ref, as called by the dude hosting this rocking UFC party.

Gonzaga gets booed. Those fans are stupid. Go Gabriel!

I promise to be as fair as I can be on this. But I'm rooting for Gonzaga.

Couture has a 10 minute long introduction by the poor man's Michael Buffer. Je-sus Christ.

Still going. Are you kidding me.

All right, her we go.

Apparently, Couture's into something called, "dirty boxing". Care to define that, fellas?

Another great line by the commentators: Randy wants to "impose his will on his opponent". Great analysis.

Joe Rogan: "Randy loves these battles of wills". Again, thanks for the insight.

My round 1 thoughts: I don't think Rogan and Goldberg could be slurping Randy Couture any harder. C'mon guys. His ball-sac is sweaty. Get it out of your mouths.

'Thrope just ripped ass. Man he stinks.

Looks like Gonzaga's busted nose will cause him to lose.

A busted nose doesn't look like a fun time...especially against someone who specializes in "dirty boxing".

I'm going to concentrate on the fight...I'll be back shortly.

Almost just wrecked my friend's computer...

but more seriously, I almost lost the opportunity to do some live blogging...due to the Bud Select that I mishandled.

Couture's intro music sucks too. ACDC just shows your age old man.

I think Joe Rogan and Douchebag are ready to give Couture Sainthood. Didn't I mention that they suck and that I can't wait until HBO starts broadcasting some UFC events. I doubt Max Kellerman would suck as bad.

Live Blogging from house with UFC event...

All right case you were too cheap to purchase the PPV event, here's your live results:
GSP just whooped Crackhead Koscheck. Pretty sweet. Looked like Koscheck didn't have enough meth in the back room.

Couture is about to get whooped.

And sorry to save the best for last, but I, of course, won my Madden game against a lesser opponent.

Randy Couture just said he's going to "beat the dog crap" out of his opponent. That's awesome.

Gonzaga's intro music...not awesome.

Joe Rogan and the other tool who handles commentary for UFC...they suck ass and are not awesome.

Big ups to Bud Select for sponsoring this evening of live blogging. Although, next time, it'd be way better if you guys didn't make us pay for the beer.

Friday, August 24, 2007

A Rejoinder to the Blockbuster vs. Netflix comment a while back

I've been meaning to comment on Misanthrope's "Blockbuster vs. Netflix: Which is more awesome?" post. Before I start disagreeing with Mr. Thrope, I first would like to commend him for addressing one of the tough issues in the field of awesome/not awesome. Now let me make a better argument and arrive at a different conclusion.

And let me begin with that conclusion: Blockbuster is a better service.
Reason 1: for the same price as the Netflix packages, I get a better deal at Blockbuster. I get the same number of movies from their online catalogue, but I have the option of exchanging those movies in the physical Blockbuster store for additional titles. I'm not a great counter of things, but I'm pretty sure that means I get more movies per month for my fee. (Additionally, Blockbuster recently sent me a $10 coupon that reduced the price of Madden '08).

That's really the only reason. Other than that, Blockbuster sucks. But I don't buy the argument that Netflix is better and cooler because it's not as big a corporation (not that Misanthrope made such an argument). It's still a big fucking corp., and it doesn't compare financially to a local video store that struggles to get by.

Also, not sure what 'Thrope's comment about Blockbuster being Mormon was about. I just wikipedia'd that shit, and there's no mention of Mormon in the entry. My only thought is that he's referring to their history of selective moral posturing. For a while the chain did not offer "controversial" films like Last Temptation of Christ. I'm fairly certain that policy is no longer in effect, now that Blockbuster has realized that moral posturing doesn't help the bottom line (especially when they rent the entire series of Jerry Springer videos).

To wrap up this post, I do agree on one of 'Thrope's points: these two rental giants need to start renting porn. That would be totally awesome.

Preparing for the big Madden '08 Showdown and UFC

Tomorrow night should be a pretty awesome night. I've got big plans that involve whooping ass in Madden and then watching totally hetero guys whooping each others asses in the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

So my prediction for Madden is simple: I will win.

I don't have predictions for UFC, but here's who I'd like to win:
-I hope that Gabriel Gonzaga beats Randy "Clothes" Couture.
-I hope that GSP beats Koscheck.
-I don't care much about the other fights.

This is a pretty weak post, I have to admit. But the readers were clamoring for some more posting...figure I'd teach them a lesson demonstrating what happens when the two of them get pushy.

You can't force awesome, or aw-some for that matter, folks.

Have you learned nothing from this blog yet? I can only comment on this blog when something strikes me as awesome. In a way, I have to be inspired, just like the great artists of our world.

My sense is that I'll have some awesome moments this weekend. Until then, hold your fucking horses. Besides, I allegedly have a partner on this blog. And I know for a fact that his standards for awesome-ness are way lower than mine. Send your complaints him. His name is Douchenthrope.

Friday, August 17, 2007

The other side of the coin

So here I enter in my review of Madden 08.

Lets see now. I know that this game is awesome but yet I fear it lacks a permanent place on the charts. There are some new tricks and features but this is the point at which the game needs not to be released on PS2 anymore. The promise of this game is that it packs more features and better graphics and PS2 is getting tapped out oin this field. For some people, we'll call them my friends, can look at all these new features and their pants begin to shrink. Let me give you an example:
In my first of 2 staggering defeats at the hand of RDukes, I was treated to not only electronic play by play from Madden and Gifford but also from RDukes. It was like stereo plus one. When the magnanimous RDukes would score he would quickly remind me of who he used and the size of their manhood just before the recap by the computerized Gifford. "OH!!!! A 74 yard run by Vernon Davis!!! He's got big junk!" and other proclamations were standard. If the situation were to be reversed I would simply state that I scored with triangle and that I really had no information regarding his penile length.

Although the first game was a slaughter I kept the second game close. I made sure to mask most of my inability by claiming, "I hit the wrong button" or "He went the wrong way." These are nearly impossible to prove wrong. In all honesty as far as being engrossed enough in sports to actually know the names of players and their position I would rank somewhere near the bottom. I think I am right between people in a permanent vegetative state and your mom. All things considered I am still as awesome as I was before despite my lacking skill in Madden 1984-2008.

Over all the game is ok. Its no Oregon Trail but it will do.

Addendum by R-Dukes to make this poor excuse of a post better...
I guess if I sucked ass at a game, I'd also claim that it wasn't awesome. The fact of the matter is, however, that Madden '08 is more awesome than every other Madden game due to the fact that the Bears are so much better in this game. Hester at receiver...unreal. As an aside, the first play of my new Madden season, Hester ran the kickoff back for 94 yards for the score. But moving on...

And since D-Bag Misanthrope decided to cry about his trouncing in Madden, I thought I should add a bit more context. First, he had the superior teams on paper.
Game 1: He was the Saints, and I was the 49ers.
Game 2: He was the Patriots, and I was the J-E-T-S, Jets.

I jibber-jabbered the whole time, in part, because I was stoned. Plus, when you're whooping someone's ass, it's common courtesy to point out exactly how you are doing so. And can I help it if Vernon Davis has a huge dong (at least that's what I'm hearing from Misanthrope's Mom).

But let's get off moms, 'cause I just got my balls off of yours.

Auidi 5000.

Burning Crosses...Not Awesome.

Not sure if we've mentioned this previously, but the Aw-Some blog officially opposes the Ku Klux Klan and, more generally, racism.

Today on Chicago Public Radio's 848 , Rob Wildeboar put together a terrific story about the White Pride Festival recently held at the, I KKKid you not, International Headquarters of the Ku Klux Klan just outside of South Bend, Indiana. For the full report, go here.

Tons of great stuff contained in the report, plus the website has a slideshow of supporters that you can laugh at, feel pity for, or just be awed by. I've selected a few highlights to comment on. This is the first in a series of occassional comments on the White Pride Festival...

The highlight for the tens of people in attendance was most definitely the cross-burning. Regarding the proper way to burn a cross, the Imperial Douche-bag had this to say:

"The key to a good cross is in the wood. It's definitely in the wood, then myself, I prefer to wrap it in burlap cause that's traditional. You know some may use carpet what have you but I'm just picky cause I believe in the old ways for the most part."

Say what you will about the Klan and the intelligence of its membership, but you gotta give this guy credit for being old-school. I mean, he's bringing it back to the basics. The new generation may try to get away with some carpet from their mother's basement, but this old-timer understands that, in order to send a strong message, you need good wood and some decent burlap.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Bend it like Aw-Some.

Sir David Beckham had a nice 2nd game in the states. The way things were going, I thought tha he--due to injury and a hostile environment--might be a bust.

Check out his first MLS goal...

And yes, I chose that particular YouTube clip because of the awesome soundtrack.

Do you think his team mates went a little too buck? They were like a bunch of fanboys out there. If America wants to be respectable in soccer around the world, you gots to play that shit cool as a motherfucker. Just pound it out with him on the downlow.

Punking Beethoven

In all of human history there have been points where something truly amazing is created and therefore transcends all time. Great and meaningful music happens to occupy this category with a great presence. Music is a great uniter under which all societies and people can enjoy its complexity and beauty equally.

A few great composers have added so much to our world with their awesome works. I feel that works like Brahms' First Symphony, John Lennon's Imagine, and AMG's Bitch Better Have My Money are just a few examples of great musical works.

I now would like to enter in another candidate for your consideration. It too speaks words of truth and, if you let it, will touch your soul.

Bears Awesomely Avenge Super Bowl Loss

At least that's the way events played out when I took control during their 35-21 victory over the Colts in Madden '08.

Benson had a huge game. Over 170 rushing yards. 71 receiving yards. And 3 TDs. Grossman did swell. 230 yards. No interceptions. He managed a smart game plan.

If the '08 Bears are anything like the Madden '08 Bears (when I'm at the helm), I'm predicting a 16-0 season capped off with a Super Bowl victory.

And do you know what that would be? That's right, fucking awesome. Which, in case you didn't know, is the highest official awesome ranking in existence.

I'll keep the blog posted as my Madden '08 season progresses.

Monday, August 13, 2007 it awesome? Film at 11!

Well I haven't worked in the "corporate" environment for too long but there are a couple things that I don't get.
First- Getting dressed up is for the birds. I wear clothes that mingle with the line of business casual and slacker. That is the way to go if you ask me. The only way up is I start wearing stained sweat pants and ringer t-shirts that are a size or two too small. Then we are in an entirely new area of awesome. I am open to debate on this one.
Second- What the fuck is up with all these assholes saying, "Happy Monday!"? Screw that noise. Its fucking Monday which means that Sunday is now over and I am forced to work again. I cannot partake in some Jonestown Kool-Aid drinking bullshit that I'm supposed to be happy about it being Monday.

Here is my awesome offering for the day....

Friday, August 10, 2007

Its almost time to begin thinking about the elections...

Actually this choice was made for us a while back so look
at this link in the meantime...

Netflix vs. Blockbuster

So I am on a quest to figure out which one is more awesome. I am a Netflix subscriber and have been for a few years. It was great in the beginning as it was yet another step in my never ending quest to not have to leave my apartment. Really only thing that is preventing this from being a reality is chicks. If only there was some way I could have the ladies come to me rather than me and me not having to pay for it. Its a work in progress.

But I digress...

So lets look at the finer points of both and maybe we can make a decision.

1- Plenty of new and old movies to choose from.
I am going to have to go with a tie on this one as I am only a NF subscriber and would only suspect that BB is as expansive.
2- Porn.
FAIL!!! I am still left to get my adult related content from various sources on the inter webs.
3- Turn around time.
This I am going to have to give to BB. They let you go to the nearest store and trade in your movies for the next one in your queue. No NF stores = boo.
4- Mormons.
Clear winner here is NF. Uh oh Mr. BB do not pass Go, do not collect any gold plates, do not collect $200. Go straight to Utah. You lose.
5- Online viewing.
Right now NF is the winner winner but BB just bought a service to do this too.
6- Used to work there.
I never worked for NF. Therefore they win. Although BB was nice enough to provide me with the beginnings of my unimpressive film library.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Do as I say...not as these guys do

You may or may not have had the awesome pleasure of watching Japanese game shows while getting drunk before going out to a bar to get more drunk. I have, and as I am 1 of 2 purveyors awesomeness here, they rule.

Here is an entire genre of television dedicated to people destroying themselves in pursuit of paltry prizes or cash. Since the shows are broadcast in Japanese and then dubbed with innuendo laced commentary I can only imagine what they are really saying about the contestants. Mostly I just say, "FUCK!!"

Below you will see a brief clip of said events. This is a montage of awesome and should he held as a dual benchmark. One for awesomely funny and one for how not to be awesome.

C4us3 I am 3117 I h4ve fixed teh vid3o!!1!11!

Monday, August 6, 2007

If you had to ask me...

So the weekend is over. That is not awesome. I feel that until I win the 500 million dollar lottery and permanently stop working that my work week should be limited to 3 1/2 days a week. Seeing as I pretty much already do that I would just rather not be here when I am not doing work at work.

Now for something completely different...

Lets recap what was awesome about the weekend.

1- Went to a 30th birthday party and signed the shirt of the birthday boy under the chin with an up arrow and the words, "Balls go here".

2- A certain lawyer who may or may not lead a deviant lifestyle went batshit insane over a trivial rule in Omaha Hold-em.*

3- I had a hangover.

4- Manscaped.

5- I figured out yet another way to scam the system and avoid paying my bills for an extra week.

6- Despite a couple losses the Cubs are only 1 game out of 1st with 52 games remaining.

7- I didn’t leave the house yesterday.*

(*- may or may not be considered awesome but since this is my blog that isn’t up to you.)

Friday, August 3, 2007

The Paradox of Awesome

Sometimes a thing can be awesome to some people while not being awesome to others. Depends on one's perspective.

In this case, the following clip is absolutely awesome, unless you happen to be this guy or his family/friends. He walked away from the incident, so he may also consider this awesome after he picks up his shoes from the next town over.

Here goes...

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Jimmy Rollins is not awesome...

If you happen to be a Cubs fan. I'll have to check the stats (yeah, right) but I think it's safe to say that he's a Cubs-killer. He can flat-out play. The last few games, he's hit, stolen bases, and played solid defense against the Cubbies.

He's pretty "now" if you're a Phillies fan. And by "now", I mean...wait, I don't know what the fuck that means. Damn you, ESPN! Stop doing stupid segments on "who's more now". The senseless term is creeping into my vocab. Not awesome.

Perhaps you improve the segment by trying to decide "who's more awesome?" That's definitely more quantifiable. If you're looking for panelists, I know a couple of, ahem, guys that could probably help out.

If ESPN doesn't pick this up, maybe OM and RDukes could create our own bracket tourney.

Further lack of awesomeness

I work for a very large organization. That is to say one that has roughly 5000 people employed over 3 shifts. Needless to say there is a bunch of people here. And as to be expected there are plenty of people who are great; some are even aw-some. Like every workplace the citizenry here is a microcosm of our tiny planet and this is both to my delight and horror.

The one thing that sticks out in my mind as exactly 100% not awesome and that is the Jesus freaks. Although I am not a religious person I do have respect for those who are. My problem lies within the gross inequity of a persons’ general nature to the amount of Christian paraphernalia they have surrounding their desks. It has been my observation that the more poorly conceived/ executed “Work Place Prayers” and faded mustard stained Footprints in the Sand printouts the more ornery that person seems. I am not sure if one’s level of religiosity is purely tied to how much Christian propaganda they can accumulate.

By contrast my grandmother, who passed away 6 years ago, had 1 cross and 1 bible in her home. Coincidently she also knitted afghans for the homeless up until about a week before she died. Not surprisingly she was awesome.

Lesson of the day….

Back off Jesus freak. His name wasn’t even Jesus.

Verizon...not even close to pretty cool

Just spoke to 4 people from Verizon. 3 of them were adequate, 1 sucked, and none of them could help a brother out.

I'm trying to give that company more money by upgrading my plan and hardware, but their "systems" won't allow me to do that easily. Fucking 2 year contracts.

I'm hopeful that the government will soon begin regulating the fuck out of the wireless companies. I hate this shit. It would take a fucking miracle to make cell phone companies awesome. They always suck. Always.

Talking to Verizon

I'll be calling Verizon Wireless shortly to upgrade my plan and get a new phone. I'm pretty sure this won't be awesome.

If they cut me a deal on the phone or something, then it might be pretty cool. But it wouldn't be eligible for aweseome-hood until I see that first bill. Regardless of how many reassurances I get on the phone, I just know there's going to be some bullshit on that next bill in the form of an extra charge or not getting a credit I thought I was going to get (because like a dumbass, I believed the sales rep.).

When that happens, I'll have to call customer service again. They'll tell me that there's no record of the seemingly awesome deal I was cut. And then I'll write about it.

Cubs in First Place...Fucking Awesome.

'Nuff said.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Why losers are dumber than winnners

So the proprietor of this blog, one Mr. R Dukes, asked if I too would care to contribute. Not only does Mr. Dukes have impeccable taste and a propensity to wrestle but he knows deep down that I am awesome.

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard people talk about how they want to be as awesome as I am but the sad truth is that you’re born with it. Now I know some people will say, “Surely I can learn or at least try to be as awesome as the both of you.” It is true that all you can do is try, and by all means please do. If the attempt is made then it may in some small way make my life easier as I would have to deal with fewer not-awesome people. Also my name isn’t Shirley.

Posted below you will find a video contained within the ubiquitous halls of YouTube which is a classic example of what I am talking about. Never mind that the teams depicted in this clip are no more than 10 years old. This is no excuse for being punked. I think Charles Darwin said it best…

“If you suck at life, you’ll die.”