Friday, September 28, 2007

Cubs Win Division Title--Fucking Awesome!

This is awesome. The guys in the clubhouse are having a great time. Great to see. Kudos to the older black guy in the clubhouse who continues to pour champagne on whoever's getting interviewed by Comcast Sports. That never gets old!

Now it's time to bring it home, Cubbies. Bring home the big dog.

Some more Friday Awesomeness: Johnnie Walker and The Most Awesome Show on TV

What's the most awesome show on television? It is NOT any of the following: Lost, The Sopranos, Deadwood, Scrubs, The Office, Grey's Anatomy, or American Idol.

Nor is it any of these: Desperate Housewives, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Battlestar Galactica, So You Think You Can Dance?

In fact, the most awesome show on television is...The Wire.

Thems the facts. This show totally rules over all other shows. Unless you're a dumbass jerk who doesn't agree with this judgment.

And if that's the case, you shouldn't be reading a blog all about awesome.

If you're unsure of my assessment, I challenge you to drink a little Johnnie Walker (red label, let's not get too fancy) and watch a couple of episodes of The Wire.

Since they aren't the type to brag on themselves (ahem, Sopranos), I just felt the need to declare with all my might how awesome The Wire is. It's great for many reasons. However, what makes it particularly awesome is the fact that each season gets better and better. I actually started watching the show in the middle of season 3 (way awesome). Then I watched season 4 (the most recent) in its entirety (fucking awesome). I then used my Blockbuster service to get seasons 1 and 2 (awesome and awesome, respectively).

What's the show about, you might reasonably ask? Well, I don't feel like describing it. So here's one of the show's creators, David Simon, doing it for me:

"Thematically, it's about the very simple idea that, in this postmodern world of ours, human beings—all of us—are worth less. We're worth less every day, despite the fact that some of us are achieving more and more. It's the triumph of capitalism."

"Whether you're a corner boy in West Baltimore, or a cop who knows his beat, or an Eastern European brought here for sex, your life is worth less. It's the triumph of capitalism over human value."

A real feel-good show, you know. Now, don't get all worried. The show can be that heady if you want it to be. However, it can also just be a damned good show set in Baltimore about the Police and the Politicians, and the Drug Dealers. It works on simple and complex levels.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Some Friday Awesomeness

I typically don't find television ads to be too awesome. Most of them, to be honest, would probably land on the "not awesome" list if I cared to waste my time and post on that kind of stuff. Since this blog is much too important for that, however, I don't bother.

Over the past two weeks I've been entranced with the new ad for Halo 3. Now, I've never played Halo 1 or 2, and I don't plan on playing Halo 3. This is mostly because I can't stand playing first-player games. I get headaches, plus I suck. Not sure which is the chicken or the egg there.

Anywho, this commercial is awesome. So awesome, in fact, that it almost made me suck it up and just buy a shitload of Advil so that I could play it. The commercial does something that good movies can causes me to feel some emotion. And there's no words!

First feeling: oh shit, earth is getting destroyed. As the ad continues, the music moves me to feel the slightest bit of hope...that the humans just might have a fighting chance against these douche-bag aliens who are attacking us for no good reason. That's, of course, if you don't suck at playing the game and blow it for all of us. I'll leave it to others to save us from impending doom.

So kudos to the fuckers who came up with this piece. It almost did its job by getting me to buy it.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Competitive Sports Rule!

MMA stands for Mixed Martial Arts and is better known in the U.S. as Ultimate Fighting (or, totally straight, non-gay dudes rolling around trying to dominate each other--in a completely hetero, not homo, kind of way). I find it awesome for a number of reasons, but I won't discuss all of those reasons in this post.

So, I just got finished watching the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) pay-per-view event this evening. The match-ups didn't promise to be all that exciting, but I couldn't help but order because I'm a nerd.

Even if all the fights went according to who was better on paper, I figured it'd be good to see Shogun Rua's UFC debut. Also, it couldn't hurt to see Chuck Liddell comeback from his loss to "Rampage" Jackson. I was also looking forward to seeing Diego Sanchez lose again (he just annoys me).

Well, I was able to see Diego Sanchez lose again...but even that didn't go as well as I anticipated since I actually like Sanchez more after his loss. The kid showed heart and humility. Hard to hate that.

And then all hell broke loose. Forrest Griffin beat Mauricio "Shogun" Rua (that' Rua with an "H" sound--Poutegese, bitch). To put this in perspective: Rua was ranked number 1 or 2 in almost all rankings at 205 lbs. Griffin wasn't ranked and was thought of as a sacrificial lamb for Rua's debut in the UFC. As if that weren't enough, Keith "The Dean of Mean" Jardine (I kid you not) beat former light-heavyweight champion Chuck Liddell in a 3-round brawl.

That's why the sport of MMA is awesome. Over the past year, the number of hu-ge upsets in this sport is unbelievable. A quick count: I think there have been at least 7 huge upsets in the past least 3 of those for titles.

When we watch sports, of course we want our favorite team to win. And if they happen to be the awesome team (Bulls during the 90's for me) we're fine with the fact that there is a lack of competition. Beyond that, however, most sports fans crave a good upset.

MMA/UFC has delivered those upsets this year. Some people consider this a negative for the sport since newer fans have trouble wrapping their heads around the fact that their favorite fighters are unlikely to go undefeated and/or lose to someone they've never heard of. Simple fact is: getting hit with a good punch or having a bad night is not that uncommon.

So that's why mixed martial arts is awesome. I like to feel all torn up inside after a sporting event. Either I'm feeling on top of the world because my Cubbie's are about to make the playoffs (fingers crossed...go Brewers' opponents!). Or, if my guy or team loses, I'm feeling all anxious and unsure about life itself. Either way, it distracts me, however momentarily, from life. And that's what sports for me is about: having an irrational bond with a game that has no impact on my well-being. Tonight, the game was a controlled fight with rules. And tonight, I feel totally irrational about this shit.

And that's awesome.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Fantasy Sports for the Somewhat Disinterested

I am currently embroiled in 2, yes count em, 2 different fantasy football leagues and there may be no real explanation as to why. I have never been a omniscient purveyor of sports and their statistics...just ask R Dukes. I do like sports, I played them when I was younger, but I do not possess an almanac-esque knowledge base of sporting history.
I am in these leagues for fun. My work league is fun because it offers me further opportunities to harass and make fun of my co-workers. I work with some pretty cool people and on the other hand I also work with some basement dwelling ogres who are socially inept. Needless to say my repertoire of smart-ass comments and comebacks is always put to good use. The second league I am in is with a few friends of mine and is a $25 buy in. I know its not much money but seeing as I just ended my fantasy baseball league which cost me $107.50 and not to mention was awful. This league was manned by the guys that in high school were voted "Least Likely to Evolve" (present company excluded). They were all friends of friends, save 3 of them, and I didn't enjoy it one bit.
The second league is better cause it is with my close friends and one guy even named his team after my actions during the weekend of another league member's bachelor party. That was awesome! I don't mind losing $25 to a group of friends...Hell I don't even mind losing $20 to some of the same people at our semi-monthly poker night. In fact some may say I enjoy it.
The worst part is that because I choose to partake in these leagues that the assumption is made that I will be good. In essence I rarely ever do good in them and if I do lose it is readily pointed out by R Dukes as a glorious revelation. Trust me its not. I wonder if at all if he will do at least 1 of 2 things. First...Will he be as excited if I actually win and make another attempt at being humorous. Second will he get my name right.
These are yet to be seen but I remain hopeful. Until then I will continue my mediocre streak in all fantasy sports.

Now if they had fantasy leagues for stuff that I was good at then I would totally pwn the likes of RDukes and NBE DOWO (name is disguised to keep his anonymity). I need a Fantasy league based on making fun of people or watching TV. I'm pretty good at those.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Friday Awesomeness

Just a little something to start your weekend off right...

After our earlier post on the New Zealand All Black's pre-game ritual, I'll have to add "good at dancing" to my list of things I know about New Zealanders. The only other thing I know is Lord of Rings.

And if you enjoyed the clip above, check this duet from the final scene of this season's Flight of the Conchords. I do believe this is more awesomer.

Continuing our look at Rugy: Awesome Fans?

This is another installment in our occassional series on awesome things about Rugby, except for the actual game.

There fans seem to share similarities with soccer/football fans across the globe (not including American soccer fans, of course, who don't care about soccer). Namely, that they like to get really loaded before, during, and after the games. Check out the jovial nature of thes Aussie rugby fans...

See, hippies, it's not just American frat boys who can be total and complete dicks.

Here's an awesome idea: Maybe we should just send all our American frat boys over to Australia. Seems like a good place to send the unwanteds of our society.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

10965 and 1

Today is the day after that day for me. Yep ya'all yesterday was my birthday. Was it awesome. You fucking bet my unwelcomed spare-tire it was. I got to go to work and watch two movies from my desk. I was just shy of putting my feet up on my desk and hanging out. The only reason I didn't was my P.O.S. chair is like 2 degrees shy of a comfortable angle. Also yesterday I got to play with a new laptop that we are "evaluating". I like this kind of stuff so i made it my priority for the day. After work I met R Dukes and another guy and some ladies at a restaurant for dinner. Good dinner, good drinks, and the Cubs won!!! The only strange part of the night was when one of the owners of the restaurant engaged my in a standoff over the validity of my ID. For about 3 solid minutes she held fast on her position that I had to get my licence renewed. To which I agreed and though it was over. Basically our conversation went something like this...

"You need a new one (ID)"

"I know. It expires today."

"But you're going to need to get a new one!"

"I know. It expires today though"

"You're going to have to get a new one cause we cant serve you if its invalid."

"I know but it expires today"

"You need to get a new one or you could get a ticket after midnight"

"I know but it's still good"

This went on back and forth until she gave my ID back. This whole conversation wasn't really necessary as I already had a beer given to me by the other bartender. Nonetheless this was an interesting opener.

Later El Duque and I went to a bar for a couple more and to possible see Rhode Island. To my dismay Rhode Island wasn't there but they had plenty of beer in we had a couple.

All in all a good night. If Jenny from the block had been there I could have tried to ask for her phone number again, but she wasn't. Last time I tried I got shot down but since it was my birthday I could have asked for it as a present.

Thanks to everybody for hanging. Good night out!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Rugby things that are awesome.

This is the first in an occassional series exploring why the culture of rugby, not the actual game, is awesome.

Today, we see an awesome pre-game ritual by New Zealand All Blacks. Not only is the ritual awesome, but that name is awesome. Ironically, I'm not certain any of the players are black.

Now I don't know how this match turned out, but that bit of theatrics is pretty awesome. It's like synchronized swimming, except for on a rugby field.

Does it smell like old person on this blog?

Well, only if you have the smell-o-vision card in your computer like I do (internet porn's never quite the same after smelling all that nasty hardcore sex).

Mr. 'Thrope hit the 3-decade mark today. He'll look and feel a little older today. He'll probably receive some emails from AARP. He may slip in the shower. He'll defintely suck even more at fantasy football.

So to our fan base out there (all 3 of you), wish him the best in his final years.

And to 'Thope, let us all know if turning 30 is awesome or not. I SAID, LET US ALL KNOW IF TURNING 30 IS AWESOME OR NOT.

And happy birthday.

Monday, September 10, 2007

My Awesome, Tri-athelete Wife is Awesome-er than your Better Half

Now, I don't presume to know anything about that special person in your life. But one thing I know for sure, he or she isn't nearly as awesome as my wife.

My wife is much more awesome for any number of reasons...most of which involve her being my wife and putting up with me. But today, I bring you a reason that has nothing to do with putting up with me.

My beautiful bride completed a tri-athalon. Not only that, but she kicked that 3-event sport's ass! Above, you can see her in the blue cap already passing those jerks in the yellow caps who were in the heat before my wife. I believe this is the point during the swim where she (probably) yelled, "Get the fuck out my way you yellow-capped douche bags!"

It's also pretty awesome that my wife likes to call people douche bags (she started that a few months back). She has a pretty good douch-o-meter. So you know that RDukes can't be a douche-bag if she married me (I blew zeroes on the douch-o-meter).

She ran a tri-athalon and that makes her tri-awesomer than all you fools.

I'm so getting laid after she reads this. Nice.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

When taking a sobriety test can be awesome.

Over the holiday weekend, RDukes retired to his lake villa in Wisconsin with his better half. After a long drive, I had a several beers. Then I went to sleep. Pretty boring story, right? Not if the coppers on the Menominee reservation have anything to say about it (which they did). Let's continue the story.

After a good rest, I awoke 8 hours later and drove into town to pick up some supplies (donuts and ice, to be exact). I was cruising at 50mph, which is the speed limit for most of that road. Unfortunately, I happened to be on the stretch that was 35mph. A copper driving the other direction pulled a u-turn and pulled my sorry ass over.

But that's not the end of this long, drawn out story. Not even close. The female copper comes up to my window and said something about speeding. Blah, blah. She asked if that case of beer in my backseat was open. It wasn't. Then she asked if I had been drinking...

I said, "nope."

She said, "were you drikning last night?".

"I was."

"What time did you stop?" the copper said.


"What time did you start?" the copper said.

"9 o'clock."

"In the morning?"

"In the PM."

"When I walked over, I could smell alcohol right away." She took both of our licenses and went back to her squad car.

I leaned over to my wife so she could smell my breath...Mrs. RDukes doesn't drink, and she couldn't smell any alcohol on me. We figured I'd get a ticket and be done with it.

The officer was on the radio for a while. I forgot that Tribal police don't have jurisdiction over non-natives on the reservation. A white copper showed up from the county sherrif's office. The coppers conversed momentarily. Then Whitey came over and asked me, RDukes, to step out of the car. I obliged.

"The reason I asked you step out is because you reek of alcohol--in fact, when you stepped out, I could smell it right away. We'd like to give you a sobriety test."

"Um, ok," I said.

Now, most of the time, if you take a sobriety test stone-sober, you'd wouldn't expect to feel nervous. I was, though. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was the coppers' insistence that I smelled of alcohol that planted some self-doubt. Whatever the reason, I was probably as nervous as I would be had I been drinking.

Whitey copper proceeded to have me follow the tip of his pen with my eyes, not moving my head. It was particulary difficult for a few reasons, none of which involves alcohol. First, at this point, I'm nervous as fuck. Second, the sun was blasting down, making it particularly difficult to focus on a pen tip. Third, I'm pretty sure he moved it out of my periphery.

I think I failed that test, based on a comment Whitey made later.

Next up, the dreaded walk in a straight line test. I think I did fine on this, but let me tell you, the side of a road is slanted (for runoff, I assume) making it particularly difficult to walk in a straight line. Also, Whitey had me put one foot in front of the other and then took about two minutes to give his directions (walk one foot in front of the other 9 paces--count those paces out loud--then turn and do the same back). Kind of tough to do that hold that position. Plus, I was wearing my new Crocs (very comfortable, but not the best for taking a sobriety test).

Then, the words every driver likes to hear from an officer, "do you mind if I give you a breath test?". I said, "sure, I guess so." The more I thought about it, the more I was thinking I should refuse...I didn't want to chance that I had any alcohol in my system, even though I hadn't drank in nearly 8 hours. I was damn close to telling Whitey that I'd rather not take the test. But, I didn't want to go down to the police department and ruin my first day of the long weekend.

So, he brought the little breath gadget over. He told me to blow long and hard (Now you you know I wasn't drinking because I showed an amazing amount of restraint and didn't say, "that's what she said."). I blew. And then, the officer took the device back.

I waited and pondered for the brief moment that he took to read the result. Would I get a DUI (never had one before)? Would my weekend be ruined? Then I heard the most beatiful words I've ever heard, "Well, you blew zeroes."

I should've said something cool, like, "no shit, I haven't had a drink in 8 hours you prick."

But all I said was, "Thank fucking goodness. Sorry for my language. But you guys had me nervous."

"Well, you smell like you bathed in alcohol," Whitey said. "And do you have something wrong with your right eye, it twitched real bad during the pen test."

I said, "Not that I'm aware of. I think I was just nervous. And the sun was in my eyes."

Whitey said, "Since we put you through these tests, we'll let you off with a warning. Slow down on the road."

"Thank you," I said.

That's the conclusion to this long story and post.

Lesson learned from this experience: if you want to get out of a speeding ticket, pretend like you're drunk so they let you off when you blow zeroes.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Awesome is the new awesome

Paid holidays from work are pretty awesome but in case you need more examples of how to be awesome try to start this league at your office.