Wednesday, September 3, 2008

recorded/live-blogging on Palin speech

It's been a while...but I think this warrants a post.

Quick wrap-up: Lamer and N'awesomer than I expected. Similar to a Nickelback show opened by Nickleback.

11:51pm--D'oh. Recording stopped. It's just as well. Not sure I like this McCain-Palin ticket. I mean I'm white and all. I'm just not sure Republican white.

11:49pm--Pan across the crowd...douche bags abound.

11:48pm--And the red meat continues...civil rights are for pussies (credit to the wife for that line).

11:46pm--Man, I think Michelle might want to whoop up on this bitch. For what it's worth, I think it'd be a good fight.

11:41pm--I think I just heard her say she nationalized oil production in Alaska. Wow, this is getting good.

11:38pm--OMG. The Republicans just had a collective orgasm when she knocked the media elite. Wonder if Fox News is a part of that establishment. Someone grab a towel.

11:36pm--Oh snap. No she didn't. She just dissed community organizers. Oh, it's on. I'm about to do a strategy chart and some relational meetings now.

11:34pm--I wish Bob Probert would drop the gloves with this "hockey-mom".

11:32pm--Loving the all-black back drop for Palin...countering those of us who commented on the lack of diversity in the crowd. This just in: Palin still loves America. And she's proud of it.

11:31pm--Republican's just clapped for unions...kind of. Wait, I can't hear...Cindy McCain's dress is too loud.

11:30pm--Seriously, this is like listening to a PTA president talk about how reading is important.

11:27pm--news flash: Palin's proud of the troops. And a chant of "USA, USA" breaks out.

11:25PM--Put our country first. Message of the night. That's opposed to Obama/Biden's platform of putting Australia first.

11:22pm--What's the "S" in John S. McCain stand for? Sadaam?

11:21pm--is she from Alaska or Wisconsin? Sounds like a cheesehead.

11:20pm--they're still clapping...c'mon. Let's save that for Barack.

11:18pm--I see white people. Not an original observation regarding Republicans, I know. But sheez, let some people of color in. Even Palin's wardrobe lacks color.

11:17pm--the wife is tired and wants to fast-forward through Sir 9/11. I'm certain we missed nothing.

11:16pm--Mr. 9/11 is up first. Sucky speaker. Can't believe he makes millions making speeches for a living.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Mr. Kucinich done snapped on Washington

In case you don't know Rep. Kucinich introduced a 35 count impeachment proceeding this evening. From what I can tell he started a couple hours ago and is only on article 17. This is either going to be brushed off or go forward and make some progress on executive accountability, to what end I don't know...

I may try to live blog some more of this as I watch it.

Friday, June 6, 2008

A mans guide to stuff and things...

So no list this week as I am becoming some what disenchanted with typing up ordered lists about inconsequential things. In its stead I am going to continue to post random things with even less meaning. So in order to begin your weekend I will give you a definitive guide to being a dude. And if you find that you are not a dude or even if you discover that you are the opposite of a dude, a chick, Ill let you behind the curtain...

Get Learnt Here

Thursday, May 29, 2008

So this Facebook thing could be big.

My hiatus from the world of Aw-Some can be blamed on this new way to network socially, Facebook. Yeah, I never heard of it either. That is, until about a week ago.

Since I joined, I've noticed that many of my friends and/or people I know have followed my lead. I don't want to take too much credit, but I'm just sayin'.

Now that I've helped get this little project off the ground, I can devote more time to Aw-Some.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

A short week...listed.

I hope everybody had a good holiday weekend and honored the troops by driving long distances and grilling processed meats. I know I did.

first- Awesome goes to Memorial Day weekend. I love an extra day off. It rules.

second- Im going to give Guitar Hero an awesome cause I can. I wasnt sure if I was going to like it but after a couple of trys I got into it and was able to hang with RDukes who spent most of the last week playing that game while he was supposed to be working. I now want to try Rock Band so I can suck at drums too.

Again RDukes gets a nawsome nomination. He is the one person on this blog that would contribute meaningful comments and ideas. My posts are more of the variety that reflect my level of maturity. For some time RDukes would post about things we should care about like world events, politics, and election issues. Where as I post about things we should care less about like tv, video games, and Afghanistan. We need him to pull more of his weight around here.

last- Henry Jones Jr. and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I saw this on Sunday and it was not too bad but fails to be awesome. In its simplest it isnt any better or worse than the last one.

Monday, May 19, 2008

It happend again...

Sorry this is going to be a negative list cause I'm not in the best shape right now.

1- Airlines/ travel: This gets the biggest nawesome award ever. If you don't know me or my history Ill let you know that I have the worst luck when ever I travel. I went to California for the weekend for my cousins wedding. The flight out there went pretty well which made me very anxious about the trip back. Sure enough the trip back ended awfully. First we pulled up to the gate and the jetway didn't work. So we ended up having to stay on the plane for an extra hour while the moved us to 2 other gates. Pretty sweet huh? Then there was also the fact that I started to get sick over the weekend and as the plane was descending into Ohare my ears never unpopped from the pressure. So for the past 18 hours I have been functionally deaf. Less than nawesome.

2- Gas (both kinds): What the shit? Gasoline is like 4.25 a gallon. Lame. Sorry RDukes you'll have to come pick me up now if you want to hang out.

3- Bars that close early: The bar at both the reception and the hotel closed early. Now the bar at the reception closed right in the middle of the event because they couldn't keep up. Easy there guy. Now I understand slowing down while the other bartenders restock but to close all together, I say nay. That gets the biggest nawesome award ever.

4- Noise Canceling Headphones: Awesome during air travel. Nuff said.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Is it time for an intervention?

So I guess I could say that RDukes is one of my best friends ever and even if he and I break off our bromance Ill remember him forever. Well maybe not him specifically but the countless times he has forced me to view various parts of his man parts are burned into my mind like a branding iron...

So whether this is a great friendship or some kind of Stockholm Syndrome thing where I like him is yet to be determined. Nonetheless I am concerned about him. In recent days I have taken up a hidden post watching his behavior as it has become somewhat worrisome. He spends entirely too much time playing video games. Specifically GTA 4. The worst part is that hes not very good at video games. As I put it to him whist suffering through his attempt at completing a sniper mission..."This is like watching a retarded person eat soup".

For those of you that are concerned as well I have compiled my findings in an easy to read pie chart. Please enter in your comments to that we can save the Duker from himself...

Monday, May 12, 2008

Oh Snap!!

Well lets get off of moms for now because I just got off of a nasty three way with Dukes's mom and his wife's mom. Lets just say there was something that his mom wanted to try called a "rusty trombone". I didn't know what it was but I went along with it anyway.

So now here is my list...

1- This weeks first nawesome nomination is work. Fuck it. I need to win the lottery or finally take Dukes mom up on that whole sugar momma thing.

2- This weeks second entry on the nawesome list is people. I really dont like em.

3- Well this is more of a neutral entry neither awesome or nawsome in that it deals with SNL. This show has gone from good to bad to good again to horrible and now it is so awful that it needs to be cancelled. Then again things like this show some promise.....

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Special Message to Yolanda

Happy Mother's Day, baby. I know your son, 'Thrope, probably sent you some lame card, but let me tell you, for real, you are the best Mom I'd like to Fuck in the universe.

Remember that time you licked my balls and put your thumb up my bum? That was hot. Happy Mother's Day.

Remember that time we made a pearl necklace for you? Happy Mother's Day.

Do you recall the Renaissance Fair we attended several years ago? So much of that day was terrific, but I particularly enjoyed making that Roman helmet for you. Thy wishes you the happiest Day for Mother's.

Remember that time I wrote and sang an awesome song for you circa '94? Yeah, I barely remember either. And for the life of me, I can't remember why we didn't make a video of us getting it on, "Yolanda-style". Oh well, here's a clip someone else came up with...

Happy Mother's Day, Yo! I still love ya!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

My Entry for the Pollies

So in talking with Barack or at least his people, you ones, I now know that the campaign had a theme song of "Yes We Can!". That coupled with the message of hope has proven to be a pretty strong moniker for our candidate. Now he needs all the support we can get so I have come up with a new theme, or rather tapped into an existing idea so that we can modernize it.

Here you go and feel free to add some constructive criticism so that we can reach our target demographics...

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Live blogging from my living room.

12:20: I'm signing off. Thanks to no one for reading. To be clear, Barack split the IN delegate vote with Hillary. And he whooped her in NC. I couldn't be happier. It's a great night for Obama and his supporters. Suck it, HRC. And a big suck it to everyone else who annoyed me tonight. You know who you are.

12:15: Thank you, NW Indiana (with the exception of the Hammond Mayor). You kept HRC from claiming victory until after most normal folks went to bed. HRC won, but Obama kept it within 2 points. Know what that means, Obama won. And Goddamnit Wolf Blitzer, this isn't a "split decision". I'm pretty sure Barack actually made up his delegate loss in Pennsylvania with tonight's results. In what world is that a split? Douche-bag.

11:50: The Hammond Mayor needs to stop whining about the attention Lake Co. is getting because of the late vote results. Guess what, buddy, this is about the only attention Lake Co. will get from the national media in a while. Soak it up.

11:42: Mrs. Dukes reporting for your enjoyment once again this evening. I hope the two of you readng this really appreciate the live blogging, as RDukes is keeping me up and has dominated all mediums in our home, i.e., computer and TV. Hope it's worth it. Please don't misunderstand, all frustration of mine is directed at stupid 5% of Lake Country, Indiana. Clearly we need to elect Obama who supports education reform, seeing as this corner of Indiana is incapable of counting. The stupid local small town Indiana mayors do get an A+ on georgraphy, though. My count is about 87...that's 87 times that they ahve pointed out that (insert small town, Indiana) is a suburb of Chicago. We get it. Concentrate on math from now on, in particular, counting.

11:32: I figured out HRC's major problem. It's math. Her messengers need to start a smear campaign against math. Seriously, who likes number and how they add up to stuff anyhow? Nerds, that's who. Probably elitist nerds. Let's stop the domination of numbers and nerds. Let's wipe the slate clean and just nominate Hillary. Fuck you and your absolutes, Math.

11:15: Pretty sure Mayor of Hammond, IN won't be mayor after next election. President Barack Obama will crush him. BTW, John King from CNN is shown by split-screen playing on his IN touch-screen map. Pretty awesome visual.

11:10: Oy. Listening to HRC supporters spin this is painful. This is a close race? Really? BTW, Hammond Mayor just made my list of things to're dead to me, pal. Stop talking about how your stupid city was carried by one cares. Finally, Larry King is still alive and awake. Kudos to CNN for putting him on at 11pm CST. He's clearly a cylon.

10:58: A bit late reporting, but the Cubbies won today. Big "Z" pitched a gem tonight. Big ups.

10:52: I thought I was done drinking for the night, but I've now cracked open another Bud Select. That's an 8-0 beer-to-water ratio I have going tonight. For those keeping track. Few more beers and an IN victory equals me running naked around the block.

10:50: It needs to be said. You national pundits keep pointing out how close NW Indiana is to Chicago. Well, you're just asking for a Chicago-style election. IN is now 51%-49% HRC-BO. Truth be told, I actually voted in Gary earlier today...over email. That's legit, right?

10:39: Sweet. An hour away and not much has changed. Indiana is still close to call, and unless NW Indiana comes in huge for HRC (not possible), this race is way closer than HRC needed it to be. Even sweeter: my buddy "Whanny" Lanny is still whining. This time he called out bi-partisan advisor David Gergen who suggested "Whanny" was out of line for blaming the FL and MI debacle on Barack. One special order of Whah-burgers and French Cries for Lanny. God, this guy is a live-blogger's dream.

9:39: I'm back. I think my neighbor was stoned, so the brownies were very timely, if I'm correct. We're going to watch some Battlestar Galactica. I'll check back in an hour or so.

9:33: This is Mrs. Dukes coming at you live from the living room. RDukes was sent upstairs to deliver brownies to a douchey neighbor who did us a favor. Live blogging shall continue when he returns from this n'awesome errand. This would be an opportune time for a bathroom break and to get another beer.

9:12: Best quote of the night is from Jamal Simmons ("Democratic Strategist" and Barack supporter): "They [HRC camp] want to say, well, if Michigan counts, and if, Florida counts...well, if my aunt had a male apendage [penis], she'd be my uncle." Wow. I thought my test analogy earlier was pretty good. I got nothing on this. Kudos, Jamal.

9:08: I take it back. "Whanny". You suck. Go fuck yourself. And that is the beer talking. But it's also my inner jerk talking. Which is really part of me, so there.

9:05: I'm sorry Lanny. It's the beer talking. Seriously, come back. Vote for Barack. I love you, man. You're like my best bud. And that suit looks great. I was just joshin'. Now vote for Barack, D-bag.

8:59: "Whanny" Lanny Davis, HRC supporter who got bumped by CNN. That's your new name, Lanny. But thanks for saying that Barack's speech inspired you. Cry some more. Gawd. And it's delegates, not dele-gates. Guess if you were leading in delegates you'd pronounce it correctly (dele-gets, not dele-gates). Nice stupid suit. Jerk ass.

8:35: Michele Obama is easy on the eyes.

8:30: As I was saying, thank you to Jeffrey Toobin of CNN's election coverage. He's been consistent in his focus on the actual numbers of this Democratic Primary. He hasn't given any of those idiot CNN hosts an inch when it comes to telling them how stupid their "what if" questions are. Jeff, I don't even know you and I never heard of you before this election, but thank you. You made me a little more sane during this process.

8:24: In case I forget, thank you to...wait, Indiana is now 52%-48% HRC/BO. Nice! Go Hoosiers!

8:22: I kid, of course. HRC supporters, I love you. Come back. Vote for Barack.

8:17: I was just telling my wife that all these "what if" scenarios trotted out by Clinton supporters are just silly. CNN literally just went through 3 different pie charts showing that Barack is leading in primary elections, caucus elections, and the popular vote (including FL). And dumb ass people still want to hint and suggest that maybe HRC can still pull this out. Seriously, this is like a kid getting a "C" on a test and trying to lobby their teacher and parents that if the middle 11 questions hadn't been counted (remember when Barack won 11 states in a row?), they totally would've aced the test. What would most teachers and parents say? Well, if I was a teacher or parent, I'd tell the kid to go fuck themselves and stop wasting my time and stop dividing our party. Hey, HRC and your supporters: Go Fuck Your Collective Selves.

8:06: Just need to say, if this situation were reversed and Clinton was ahead on all scorecards (delegates, popular vote, etc.), I wouldn't be live-blogging. Barack would've been forced out, I don't know, about one day after Super Tuesday.

8:05: Barack takes North Ca-calaca to the house. 6 point race in Indiana. Go Hoosiers!

Monday, May 5, 2008

A douches excuse for a list

So Ill be brief in my intro but this past week/ weekend worked out pretty well. So enough of that and on with the list...

First- Awesome goes to the guvment. I got my economic stimulus check and put it to work fixing the country. So in essence this is a co-awesome as I helped to save the economy.

B- Forgetting Sarah Marshall. This movie is pretty awesome. Of all the Aptow movies Ive seen this one is at the top. Even though there are several gratuitous wang shots this movie pulls it off really well. And besides what red blooded American male doesn't appreciate the occasional cock? I know I do.

#Trois- Me. Lets just say that I was able to yet again pull off a classic performance on Saturday night. There may have been some drinking involved but my night culminated with me yelling "DOUCHE" repeatedly at a douche walking past me in a crosswalk on Halsted. Awesome move by me.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The weekly list for the painfully impatient

I may be a little late in this post but the truth is I don't really care. Now some of you may think that I was too lazy to post this on Monday and to those people I say, so fucking what. And now here's the short list...

First- As noted below GTA 4 came out and its awesome. Probably the best part is the online feature which allows you to senselessly beat up other people or to resign yourself to being a taxi driver. Nice.

- This weeks only nawesome mention goes to RDukes. He created a poll just to point out the fact that I didn't post this earlier. Now some may say that he was doing that to be funny and to attempt to give me shit. I think that he just misses me and was mad that I didn't come over to his place at midnight to play GTA 4. Suck it nerd. At least Ive never pre-ordered a video game and picked it up at midnight.

- This one is a clip packed with awesomeness. If you don't laugh at this you are fucking lame.

Fourth- I saw Cloverfield. If you take a movie shot entirely from the perspective of a handy cam, threw in a couple hot chicks, one giant fucking monster, a few smaller monsters, and a whole bunch of death you would have this movie. I know there are some parts of the movie that are poorly done, I above all other people will recognize this, but I thought it was good. If you factor in the limitations of shooting a movie entirely from the first person point of view it will allow you to forgive some of the plot holes. If you hated The Blair Witch then you should like this movie.

Liberty City: Day 1

Great opening story line about, I was right, a European immigrant (Bosnian, I think) arriving via ship to Liberty City to hit the jackpot with his big-shot cousin who owns a mansion. Or so he thinks, based on the letters his cousin sent.

As we all know, cousins be lying. In reality, his cousin Roman lives in a shit-hole and works as a taxi dispatch.

What's a brother to do? Well, if you're me, you get nabbed by the cops twice in the first 5 minutes after bullying the locals (they don't go down so easy).

Then I drove Roman around a bit (and saved him from some loan shark thugs). I finished my early morning off with a date to the bowling alley with Michelle.

I didn't hop online for the multi-player yet. It generally takes me a bit to get acclimated to the controls, and I didn't want to be a walking target for legitimate nerds who are actually good at gaming.

Monday, April 28, 2008

I'm less than an hour away...

from engaging in a post-structuralist commentary on American society from (multiple) "other", immigrant perspective(s).

Otherwise known as, Grand Theft Auto 4, bitches. That's right. I'll be some Eastern Eurpean (I think) immigrant arriving in "The City of Liberty", Liberty City.

My first act: probably steal a car, maybe a cop car. I'm crazy. Never know what I might do.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

My now weekly Awesome/ Nawsome list...

It goes without saying that I am engaged in many extracurricular activities, most of which are not sports related. I watch enough tv for 2, surf the Internet more than you will ever, watch about 3-5 movies a week, and play more video games than you (and I play them better than RDukes*). So keeping this in mind I will now try to update some of my opinions on what I find out there so you nerds can keep up.

Movie- Lion for Lambs:
I really liked this movie. Sure it bled into the sycophantic and was just enough over the PC line for hollywood to think that they made a point, but nonetheless I liked it. The movie itself does a good job in drawing out most of the parts of our political/ sociological culture and doesn't villianize a particular one. I could only wish that they would add a representative voice like my own in there. I wouldn't even need any lines just a pan and pause to show my contempt. Something like this: 'Camera pans left across the classroom mid debate and pauses on a man wearing a hoodie and jeans looking disappointed at his fellow classmates, specifically Anthony Demagio.'

TV- I know I made a post about Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel. Not even one day after I posted about my bro-mance with Deadliest Catch I read this... . My faith in reality TV has been shook. =Nawsome

Baseball- The Cubs are 12-6. doing ok but why the fuck does Dempster go Chernobyl in the fifth inning today. Result= Cubs win, but potential for Nawesomeness was there.

*This excludes all versions of Madden

N'Awesome if you think 311 is Awesome

I have an (ir?)rational hatred for the band 311. Maybe it has to do with the fans I associate them with (pseudo-hippies trying to tell me what's what), or maybe it can be chalked up to shitty music which combines bad rock, reggae, and "rap" into a genre known as Suck. Seriously. As a fan of hip-hop, I'm terribly offended by the fact that 311 is associated at all with rap music.

And it's because of this that I have trouble understanding Optimistic Misanthrope's love of this Omaha, NE band. In honor of this love, here's another N'Awesome video from the band of the same name as Chicago-city's non-emergency informational number.

Happy 420 Day!

I nearly forgot about Misanthrope's favorite holiday! Bongs up, dude! This one's just for you...

Friday, April 18, 2008

What the fuck is the matter with people?

So, I live in a building with some folks who are, I presume, in a higher tax bracket than I am (one dude owns a Dodge Viper...we own a '99 Sun Fire). Now, I'm a bit of a Marxist, but I try not to let this fact impact my opinions of my neighbors.

But these motherfuckers that I share a building with are making it tough.

Since we moved in last February, we've been subject to broadly accusatory emails from others in the building from everything to garbage issues, garage doors left open, and now, a dirty elevator floors. To be sure, all of these are legit issues to raise...assuming you don't raise them as though everyone else in the building is an ASS-HOLE.

Sample email exchange (regarding minor spill in elevator which I had nothing to do with):

Jerk 1: "Wanted to determine when is the next cleaning? Someone spilled something in the middle of the elevator and I am sure we would like it cleaning fairly soon."
Hmm...time it took you to write email...could've cleaned spill yourself...lazy fuck.

Jerk 2: "Whoever spilled in the elevator.....clean it up!!!"
Umm, how do you know it isn't the tenant you rent to, dumb ass?

Jerk 3 (me): "Maybe I just have a high opinion of my neighbors, but I assume if it was one of us, we'd clean it up. More likely, it was a visitor. I'm happy to clean up the spill. Should take about a minute."
Wow, sounds like a reasonable position after some beer and whiskey.

Now, granted, I was drunk when I responded with this last email. However, there is a consistent pattern of idiots shooting off emails accusing every other owner in the building of being negligent. Rather than giving the benefit of the doubt (as I did--pinning it on jerk-ass visitors...), they assume that other residents in the building just suck ass.

I know, I know. Poor me. I have idiot neighbors. But seriously. How about some email etiquette?

Fucking rich people.

Fucking white people.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


So another show that you should be watching is BSG. For those of you not in the know that stands for Battlestar Galatica. This is the last season for this show and if you haven't seen an episode yet you should start from the beginning. There are plenty of reasons why you should watch it but if you're worried that you couldn't watch a scifi show just know that it doesn't rely on lasers and aliens but rather dialogue and a deep plot.

One of the shows producers, Ronald Moore, has a political science degree from Cornell which really shines through in the pilot as well as the first 2 seasons. The bring up some sensitive topics that were and are still current but do it in a what that isn't a blatant ploy but an intelligent social commentary. Now that they are on season 4 they will tie everything up and end the series. This season started off so strong that I dropped a beer all over myself within the first 5 minutes of the season premiere and could only say, "No fucking way!!".

There's a lot of promise to this show and I'm sad to see it leave. I watch enough TV for 2 people and I can only wish that more series were written with such purpose. Any way here's a clip from Letterman before the start of this season. You need to check it out.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


Its a major awesome alert when Deadliest Catch starts up again. If you don't watch this show you should, if you watch it then you know what I am talking about. Sure this may be just a guy thing and I know its no Desperate Housewives but check out this clip and you tell me which is tougher...crab fisherman or Teri Hatcher.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Re: the N'Awesome Alert to our right...

For the record, HRC is drinking, or, more accurately, staring cross-eyed at, a shot of Crown Royal, a Canadien whiskey.

Further reason to question how much she opposes these free-trade deals.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Are there any NetZero users out there?

If so, why? Who the fuck still uses this crap?

I mean seriously, they're still running ads and making a pitch for your money.

To quench my curiosity, I wiki'd the company. Confirmed that Net Zero was a successful company in the early going. However, affordable broadband destroyed its necessity. In the wake of this, what do they do?

Offer a product that is even worse than its shitty predecessor. You only have 10 hours of free access in a given month, then you have to pay their $10 fee for unlimited use. Your customers are cheap in the first place...that's why they wanted internet access for free (I was one of 'em).

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

It's Ireland Bitches.

I recently had what will likely end up being the trip of my lifetime (don't want to rule out matching or improving upon it, but it seems nearly impossible).

For those that don't know the story, my wife, also known as "Best. Wife. Ever", planned and executed a surprise trip to Ireland for my 30th birthday celebration for our friends and us.

It's hard for me to describe how I felt. Here's my best attempt: see that paragraph immediately above this one that describes the trip? After I wrote it, I looked at it incredulously. Know why? Because it reads like something I can't imagine happening to me or anyone I know. Reads like something that would happen in a movie or TV show. So when I think about how I feel, it almost feels like it didn't happen to me. Feels like it happened to another person.

Sorry for the convoluted explanation, but it is what it is.

So, in the midst of my Irish surprise, I told myself that I would do some writing about my experience so that I would remember its greatness years from now (I have a terrible memory--I forget the endings to movies all the time...though this is a bit different). I'm going to try to write up any big or small insights and thoughts I had on the trip in regular intervals. However, because I'm pretty lazy, these posts will come infrequently.

Items to discuss in future posts (so I don't forget):
-Irish people don't discuss "Bloody Sunday" unemotionally.
-Ireland has lots of sheep.
-Heavy bag cost us 100 Euro.
-Getting surprised by friends in Dublin never got old.
-Ireland has lots of stones and rocks.
-Irish people were very interested in who I had winning the American Presidency.
-Irish guys don't wear beards (or how I made myself look more American).
-Driving on the other side of the road was mostly OK.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Drum Roll Please...

Let's just say I'm not challenging Kimbo Slice anytime soon. Enjoy my suffering.

Something New Already

Actually RDukes has promised a post for later today. Unlike me he is actually working at work. This is just a shout out to one of our half dozen fans.

Monday, March 10, 2008


The Dukes in white
And the winner is...Not RDukes.

First of all let me start by saying that his bout was probably the most evenly matched of the night. It seems as though the academy that sponsored the event has a predilection to mismatch their opponents if given the opportunity. There were several lame ass matches between 7 year old precious snowflakes which served no point but to make me wish I was drinking. The other bouts were paired by selecting a guy that obviously had practiced with some jackass that had just signed up. This was never more apparent then during one of the first boxing matches when the blue corner opened up with a flurry of punches somewhat reminiscent of a gran mal seizure. Needless to say this guy got beat. Nawsome for him good for the guy who won.

Now we get to the reason behind this post. If we ignore the ring announcer mispronounce the name of our fighter and move on overall the bout went real well. Although he was caught with 1 good punch 25 seconds in the rest of the 2 round bout went very well. Both of the fighters were well paced and evenly matched for this exhibition. In watching the replay of the bout there were some irregularities in the time management but neither fighter complained.
In the end it came to a split decision in favor of the opponent. So as it stands bad guys 1, good guys 0.
Lets just say that the win was theved.

Friday, March 7, 2008

On the morning of the eve of RDukes asskicking...

So I will not try to hide the fact that I spend a small majority of my day scouring the Internets for things and such. I try to read up on a wide array of things that may include politics, technology, and porn. I really enjoy Its a news aggregator site that will offer little snippets of info from all over the world. Every now and then I come across some shit that is mind boggling. I found this link on their page this morning. It is somewhat disturbing to me but its getting harder to "distrub" me these days. To be honest more often than not it just makes me sad to realize how F'd in the A we are as a species...
Case in point the Playmobil Security Check Point.

What the fuck????
The only thing that gives me solace is the fact that people don't take this stuff seriously. Just read the customer reviews for a good laugh...

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Ohio you lack good judgement. And you suck.

In addition to being an extremely long and boring state to get through when one drives from Chicago to the East Coast, you're clearly a state that lacks good judgement.

First you put George W. over the top in 2004. Real nice.

Now you racist-ly choose a white woman over a qualified black man (c'mon, they have the offensive Chief Wahoo as the mascot of the Cleveland Indians)? Way to keep up the tradition of stupid decisions.

And you know what really gets me, if NAFTA and the economy are your biggest concerns, how do you go with the wife of the guy who pushed NAFTA through? You actually buy that she's remorseful about it passing?

If I may be permitted to use a sports analogy: Your support of Clinton is akin to the state of Ohio voting Michael Jordan's game-winning jumpers over Craig Ehlo as the greatest NBA play ever (which, of course, they are).

Monday, March 3, 2008

Youth Vote and E-quakes.

Not much to say with this post. I'll let the video clip do the talking.

Two words for this clip...



Saturday, March 1, 2008

Soccer comes to CA politics...

Looks like the a member of the City of Carson council has been taking acting lessons from the Italian National Football team... If anyone wonders about the state of local politics this is probably a prime example. Here are a few local cuckolds in the midst of a constant pissing contest. Somewhat typical.

If you need further proof look no further than the recent budget negotiations in Cook County... It magically ran down to the wire when amazingly at the 11th hour both sides reached a compromise that will effect everyone but the entrenched Stroger camp....Lame.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

$5 to anyone who can tell me...

Where is the largest room in the world? Yeah, room. Try to find that shit. Impossible. (Unless, of course, I'm just an idiot).

Monday, February 25, 2008

Training for my upcoming bout.

I know the ones of readers out there are dying to hear about the training for my upcoming boxing exhibition is going. In short, it's going great. I haven't had to change my eating or drinking or drugging habits one bit. In fact, sometimes I drink a bit before training!

But seriously, I'm all about focus for this upcoming bout against Eric Roberts...yes, that Eric Roberts. The one who went to Conant High School (and who may or may not have starred in 1989's Best of the Best), the same school of my wife.

Needless to say, I've been pumping HGH to prepare for the fight. I've also been training with Steve Brule.

Additionally, I'm sparring with the bouncer from Matilda's. And my buddy from Matilda's isn't the best sparring partner. He likes to swing for the fences (which my nose doesn't appreciate as evidenced by the blood trickling down to the moustache). In fact, the other day, more seasoned guys around the ring suggested we (read: him) take it down a notch since this was only training. Though I aprreciated getting popped in the nose a few times, I have to agree, taking it down a level would be nice. I mean, we both suck. The least we can do is attempt to get better at actually boxing.

But seriously. I'm looking forward to whooping up on Julia Roberts' brother. Best of the Best? How about Awesomest of the Awesomest?

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Fuck your hope. Let's get Real.

Disclaimer: Ah. Today's political campaigns are basically just tit-for-tat bullshit that have little to do with qualifications or potential for leadership. If one campaign sends more mail to you, or buys more ad time, that candidate is likely to win. I'm an Obama supporter, so take what I say with appropriate grain of salt.

Je-sus Christ. Am I really hearing Hillary's campaign trying to stomp out the hope and desires of young people? She's losing. I get it. She's going to try anything to get back in this thing. But c'mon, busting out the idealist vs. realist argument lets me know exactly what kind of President she would be...check this new line of attack:

Speaking at Hunter College in Manhattan on Wednesday morning, Mrs. Clinton said Mr. Obama was running on a thin resume and empty rhetoric. “It is time to get real,” she said. “To get real about how we actually win this election and get real about the challenges facing America. It’s time we moved from good words to good works, from sound bites to sound solutions.”

That's some shit that old people say to young folks..."All right, son, get your head out of the clouds. You're not going to college. Now grab your lunch pail and get to the factory." Sheez. You'd think Barck was talking about ending the Arab-Israeli conflict the way she's trying to smack him down. He's basically calling for the same thing Hillary's calling for. Only difference: he says it ten times better.

But I forgot that Hillary's the one true candidate talking about real solutions. Such as...Hillary knowing what it's like to work on the "night shift" as her new ad and messaging suggests. Growing up in Park Ridge must've been tough. I mean rich people live there now, but who knows what it was like 40 years ago...oh wait, it was full of rich "night shift" workers. And working nights to pay for Yale Law School must've been tough. (Rule of thumb: middle and working class communities don't have country clubs).

See, I don't take any candidate for office's claims to seriously. What's the point? But when you start attacking a message that's getting young people involved and hopeful about politics, I got a fucking problem with that. A big fucking problem. In fact, I'd rather hear you question Barack's blackness than try to stomp out a generation's call, hope, and desire for change. Real classy, lady.

Why don't you and your old-as-fuck supporters go fuck yourselves. Not a question.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

For One Night Only...

I stand in support of the people of Wisconsin. Though one may rightly question their wisdom on everything else, and especially in football, they proved wise beyond there geographical boundaries in supporting Barack. Obama.

A toast to the cheddar-heads! Yah hey dare!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

I'm what they call a "streaky" poster.

So be sure to read the posts below.

But moving on. I saw Chris Rock Friday evening. He was great. And I learned the only time that white folks can use the "n" word. I'll fill you honkey's in later on when you can be a racist.

For now, however, I'd like to hear when the 4 of you think it's acceptable for whitey to use the "n" word.

Only if you're not a racist.

I had the opportunity to watch Barack's speech after his huge wins in the Potomac primaries last week with a bunch of other progressives. It was great to watch his beauty with other like-minds. So, in case you missed his rousing remarks from Packerland, here's a clip from his website. I encourage you to look for the speech in its entirety because it was truly brilliant.

And for the haters, feel free to search for Hillary or McCain's crap-ass speeches after the MD, VA, and DC primaries. I'm sure they were terrific.

I'm hoping this isn't just a translation issue.

So, in breaking with our fine tradition of in-depth political analysis by way of "Daily Show" clips, I have an actual quote from the Chicago Tribune's political blog to deconstruct. Apparently, President Bush recently visited Tanzania. Whilst there, he was asked a question about the popularity of Barack Obama amongst Africans. He deflected the question to his host, the Tanzanian President, who said this:

“Well, I don't think I can venture into that territory, either,’’ Kikwete replied. “Of course, people talk with excitement of Obama -- well, our excitement is that President Bush is at the end of his term, and the U.S. is going to get a new president, whoever that one is. For us, the most important thing is, let him be as good friend of Africa as President Bush has been.’’

So, did I just read that the President of Tanzania, who is seemingly supportive of President Bush, said that his people are as excited about Barack Obama as they are to see the George W. Bush's tenure end? I truly hope this was an accurate translation. Because it's classic.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Youre going to have to talk to my supervisor...

Since the Christmas Poo, Mr. Dukes, wont post often enough I am left to continue the tradition of including a video with each post. Essentially there is no real hope on either side of the line when it comes to this year’s election. Billary and Hobama will be tied until the convention less the super delegates jump over en mass. And on the Republican side the winner is going to be McCain. If you are looking for a further explanation of the issues on the Republican side just watch below...

In my eyes we are in a time of strange political happening and I hope we can come out ahead.

Oh yeah Dukes' real identity is that of Andy Stumpf. Just in case you wanted to send him some hate mail or some other kind of fan mail.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Yeah...this is the problem.

With the Super-Duper Tuesday approaching, I figured I'd drop some knowledge bombs on fools. So, this is a chicken and egg situation: Did negative ads and direct mail make the voters more dumb? Or, are voters just dumb enough to make these political tactics effective? I think "A Daily Show" nails it.

It's both, but those guys are fucking douchebags.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Go Away...I'm Bait'n

With the huge focus on political events over the past year not to mention that we are in an election year, its hard to go about your day without being inundated with rhetoric. For those of you that missed the recent SOTU address I have linked here probably the best comparative analysis you will ever find.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Thursday is going to be Na-Nawsome

Why may you ask.....

Cause one of the best shows on TV right now is coming back. LOST. Its pretty fucking rad. I do admit that it lost some steam as of lately but the previews for this season are off the chain.

In honor of that I present you the following.

Friday, January 25, 2008


Fuck. Heath Ledger is really dead. Now my life is over.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Fitting, perhaps ironic, and definitely N'Awesome

So, here's another tale from my soccer-fight league:

It's playoff time folks. Our sucky team rallied late in the season and rode into the playoffs on a 2 game win streak. We had a game tonight at 10:45pm. You know, the natural time to play a soccer game on a weekday. I wore my long-sleeved Amnesty International shirt to the game. Our team was depleted and only had two subs. We're losing 4 or 5-1 with about 2 minutes left. I'm thankful to be on the bench grabbing a breather (I logged lots of minutes tonight, only taking about 6 minutes worth of bench time). Then it happened.

I don't see the initial foul on our player, but I did see the reaction of our goalie, who ran over and pushed the offending player hard into the boards.


The other guy proceeds to throw a wild haymaker (not like the kind they teach me in my MMA class) that lands. Benches clear, and I hobble back onto the field to play the role of peacemaker. To my knowledge, no more punches were thrown, but folks on both sides were being douchey. The ref kicks the punch-thrower and one of our players who was getting wild out of the game. In fact, the ref brilliantly told both players to leave the benches, and they did so at the exact same time. The two buddies continue to discuss Motzart as they walked next to each other.

And, surprise, surprise. The original puncher laid my teammate out with a shot to the eye. We all run off the field (mind you, there's still time left in the game) to "break it up". I get there to actually help break it up. This little melee drags all the way to the exit where one of my other teammates nobly but stupidly tries to stop the puncher from leaving the building until the police arrive by grabbing a hold of his shirt. At this point, it's him, me, and 2 more of our players and the rest of their team (8-10). It was split-second from being an all-out brawl in the lobby area. Thankfully for my face, I was able to get our guy to see the futility of attempting to keep the puncher in the building.

Pretty shitty experience. I've been in a number of soccer fights, but they've always stayed on the field. Had anyone else besides this one douche bag thrown a punch, I'm not sure how the brawl would've been broken up. There was NO one around. My teammate's face is cut and bruised along the eye area. The security at this joint is non-existent (the guys who used to run the league hired an off-duty cop for security--that would've been helpful here).

Stupid Amnesty International shirt. Way to bring the nonviolence.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008


So for a bit I have been struggling with a somewhat broken computer. I cant play games on it but I also haven't been to quick to diagnose the problem. Ill either get around to fixing it or just put a new one together. But tonight as I sat writing an email on my laptop my TV stopped working. Right in front of my fucking eyes my TV gave out.

I have done the requisite online reading and will attempt a repair tomorrow but come fucking on I just got through Christmas and spent a shit load of money only to have my TV fucking die. Lame. I kinda feel like this guy right now...