Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The weekly list for the painfully impatient

I may be a little late in this post but the truth is I don't really care. Now some of you may think that I was too lazy to post this on Monday and to those people I say, so fucking what. And now here's the short list...

First- As noted below GTA 4 came out and its awesome. Probably the best part is the online feature which allows you to senselessly beat up other people or to resign yourself to being a taxi driver. Nice.

- This weeks only nawesome mention goes to RDukes. He created a poll just to point out the fact that I didn't post this earlier. Now some may say that he was doing that to be funny and to attempt to give me shit. I think that he just misses me and was mad that I didn't come over to his place at midnight to play GTA 4. Suck it nerd. At least Ive never pre-ordered a video game and picked it up at midnight.

- This one is a clip packed with awesomeness. If you don't laugh at this you are fucking lame.

Fourth- I saw Cloverfield. If you take a movie shot entirely from the perspective of a handy cam, threw in a couple hot chicks, one giant fucking monster, a few smaller monsters, and a whole bunch of death you would have this movie. I know there are some parts of the movie that are poorly done, I above all other people will recognize this, but I thought it was good. If you factor in the limitations of shooting a movie entirely from the first person point of view it will allow you to forgive some of the plot holes. If you hated The Blair Witch then you should like this movie.

Liberty City: Day 1

Great opening story line about, I was right, a European immigrant (Bosnian, I think) arriving via ship to Liberty City to hit the jackpot with his big-shot cousin who owns a mansion. Or so he thinks, based on the letters his cousin sent.

As we all know, cousins be lying. In reality, his cousin Roman lives in a shit-hole and works as a taxi dispatch.

What's a brother to do? Well, if you're me, you get nabbed by the cops twice in the first 5 minutes after bullying the locals (they don't go down so easy).

Then I drove Roman around a bit (and saved him from some loan shark thugs). I finished my early morning off with a date to the bowling alley with Michelle.

I didn't hop online for the multi-player yet. It generally takes me a bit to get acclimated to the controls, and I didn't want to be a walking target for legitimate nerds who are actually good at gaming.

Monday, April 28, 2008

I'm less than an hour away...

from engaging in a post-structuralist commentary on American society from (multiple) "other", immigrant perspective(s).

Otherwise known as, Grand Theft Auto 4, bitches. That's right. I'll be some Eastern Eurpean (I think) immigrant arriving in "The City of Liberty", Liberty City.

My first act: probably steal a car, maybe a cop car. I'm crazy. Never know what I might do.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

My now weekly Awesome/ Nawsome list...

It goes without saying that I am engaged in many extracurricular activities, most of which are not sports related. I watch enough tv for 2, surf the Internet more than you will ever, watch about 3-5 movies a week, and play more video games than you (and I play them better than RDukes*). So keeping this in mind I will now try to update some of my opinions on what I find out there so you nerds can keep up.

Movie- Lion for Lambs:
I really liked this movie. Sure it bled into the sycophantic and was just enough over the PC line for hollywood to think that they made a point, but nonetheless I liked it. The movie itself does a good job in drawing out most of the parts of our political/ sociological culture and doesn't villianize a particular one. I could only wish that they would add a representative voice like my own in there. I wouldn't even need any lines just a pan and pause to show my contempt. Something like this: 'Camera pans left across the classroom mid debate and pauses on a man wearing a hoodie and jeans looking disappointed at his fellow classmates, specifically Anthony Demagio.'

TV- I know I made a post about Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel. Not even one day after I posted about my bro-mance with Deadliest Catch I read this... . My faith in reality TV has been shook. =Nawsome

Baseball- The Cubs are 12-6. doing ok but why the fuck does Dempster go Chernobyl in the fifth inning today. Result= Cubs win, but potential for Nawesomeness was there.

*This excludes all versions of Madden

N'Awesome if you think 311 is Awesome

I have an (ir?)rational hatred for the band 311. Maybe it has to do with the fans I associate them with (pseudo-hippies trying to tell me what's what), or maybe it can be chalked up to shitty music which combines bad rock, reggae, and "rap" into a genre known as Suck. Seriously. As a fan of hip-hop, I'm terribly offended by the fact that 311 is associated at all with rap music.

And it's because of this that I have trouble understanding Optimistic Misanthrope's love of this Omaha, NE band. In honor of this love, here's another N'Awesome video from the band of the same name as Chicago-city's non-emergency informational number.

Happy 420 Day!

I nearly forgot about Misanthrope's favorite holiday! Bongs up, dude! This one's just for you...

Friday, April 18, 2008

What the fuck is the matter with people?

So, I live in a building with some folks who are, I presume, in a higher tax bracket than I am (one dude owns a Dodge Viper...we own a '99 Sun Fire). Now, I'm a bit of a Marxist, but I try not to let this fact impact my opinions of my neighbors.

But these motherfuckers that I share a building with are making it tough.

Since we moved in last February, we've been subject to broadly accusatory emails from others in the building from everything to garbage issues, garage doors left open, and now, a dirty elevator floors. To be sure, all of these are legit issues to raise...assuming you don't raise them as though everyone else in the building is an ASS-HOLE.

Sample email exchange (regarding minor spill in elevator which I had nothing to do with):

Jerk 1: "Wanted to determine when is the next cleaning? Someone spilled something in the middle of the elevator and I am sure we would like it cleaning fairly soon."
Hmm...time it took you to write email...could've cleaned spill yourself...lazy fuck.

Jerk 2: "Whoever spilled in the elevator.....clean it up!!!"
Umm, how do you know it isn't the tenant you rent to, dumb ass?

Jerk 3 (me): "Maybe I just have a high opinion of my neighbors, but I assume if it was one of us, we'd clean it up. More likely, it was a visitor. I'm happy to clean up the spill. Should take about a minute."
Wow, sounds like a reasonable position after some beer and whiskey.

Now, granted, I was drunk when I responded with this last email. However, there is a consistent pattern of idiots shooting off emails accusing every other owner in the building of being negligent. Rather than giving the benefit of the doubt (as I did--pinning it on jerk-ass visitors...), they assume that other residents in the building just suck ass.

I know, I know. Poor me. I have idiot neighbors. But seriously. How about some email etiquette?

Fucking rich people.

Fucking white people.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


So another show that you should be watching is BSG. For those of you not in the know that stands for Battlestar Galatica. This is the last season for this show and if you haven't seen an episode yet you should start from the beginning. There are plenty of reasons why you should watch it but if you're worried that you couldn't watch a scifi show just know that it doesn't rely on lasers and aliens but rather dialogue and a deep plot.

One of the shows producers, Ronald Moore, has a political science degree from Cornell which really shines through in the pilot as well as the first 2 seasons. The bring up some sensitive topics that were and are still current but do it in a what that isn't a blatant ploy but an intelligent social commentary. Now that they are on season 4 they will tie everything up and end the series. This season started off so strong that I dropped a beer all over myself within the first 5 minutes of the season premiere and could only say, "No fucking way!!".

There's a lot of promise to this show and I'm sad to see it leave. I watch enough TV for 2 people and I can only wish that more series were written with such purpose. Any way here's a clip from Letterman before the start of this season. You need to check it out.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


Its a major awesome alert when Deadliest Catch starts up again. If you don't watch this show you should, if you watch it then you know what I am talking about. Sure this may be just a guy thing and I know its no Desperate Housewives but check out this clip and you tell me which is tougher...crab fisherman or Teri Hatcher.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Re: the N'Awesome Alert to our right...

For the record, HRC is drinking, or, more accurately, staring cross-eyed at, a shot of Crown Royal, a Canadien whiskey.

Further reason to question how much she opposes these free-trade deals.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Are there any NetZero users out there?

If so, why? Who the fuck still uses this crap?

I mean seriously, they're still running ads and making a pitch for your money.

To quench my curiosity, I wiki'd the company. Confirmed that Net Zero was a successful company in the early going. However, affordable broadband destroyed its necessity. In the wake of this, what do they do?

Offer a product that is even worse than its shitty predecessor. You only have 10 hours of free access in a given month, then you have to pay their $10 fee for unlimited use. Your customers are cheap in the first place...that's why they wanted internet access for free (I was one of 'em).

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

It's Ireland Bitches.

I recently had what will likely end up being the trip of my lifetime (don't want to rule out matching or improving upon it, but it seems nearly impossible).

For those that don't know the story, my wife, also known as "Best. Wife. Ever", planned and executed a surprise trip to Ireland for my 30th birthday celebration for our friends and us.

It's hard for me to describe how I felt. Here's my best attempt: see that paragraph immediately above this one that describes the trip? After I wrote it, I looked at it incredulously. Know why? Because it reads like something I can't imagine happening to me or anyone I know. Reads like something that would happen in a movie or TV show. So when I think about how I feel, it almost feels like it didn't happen to me. Feels like it happened to another person.

Sorry for the convoluted explanation, but it is what it is.

So, in the midst of my Irish surprise, I told myself that I would do some writing about my experience so that I would remember its greatness years from now (I have a terrible memory--I forget the endings to movies all the time...though this is a bit different). I'm going to try to write up any big or small insights and thoughts I had on the trip in regular intervals. However, because I'm pretty lazy, these posts will come infrequently.

Items to discuss in future posts (so I don't forget):
-Irish people don't discuss "Bloody Sunday" unemotionally.
-Ireland has lots of sheep.
-Heavy bag cost us 100 Euro.
-Getting surprised by friends in Dublin never got old.
-Ireland has lots of stones and rocks.
-Irish people were very interested in who I had winning the American Presidency.
-Irish guys don't wear beards (or how I made myself look more American).
-Driving on the other side of the road was mostly OK.