Thursday, May 29, 2008

So this Facebook thing could be big.

My hiatus from the world of Aw-Some can be blamed on this new way to network socially, Facebook. Yeah, I never heard of it either. That is, until about a week ago.

Since I joined, I've noticed that many of my friends and/or people I know have followed my lead. I don't want to take too much credit, but I'm just sayin'.

Now that I've helped get this little project off the ground, I can devote more time to Aw-Some.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

A short week...listed.

I hope everybody had a good holiday weekend and honored the troops by driving long distances and grilling processed meats. I know I did.

first- Awesome goes to Memorial Day weekend. I love an extra day off. It rules.

second- Im going to give Guitar Hero an awesome cause I can. I wasnt sure if I was going to like it but after a couple of trys I got into it and was able to hang with RDukes who spent most of the last week playing that game while he was supposed to be working. I now want to try Rock Band so I can suck at drums too.

Again RDukes gets a nawsome nomination. He is the one person on this blog that would contribute meaningful comments and ideas. My posts are more of the variety that reflect my level of maturity. For some time RDukes would post about things we should care about like world events, politics, and election issues. Where as I post about things we should care less about like tv, video games, and Afghanistan. We need him to pull more of his weight around here.

last- Henry Jones Jr. and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I saw this on Sunday and it was not too bad but fails to be awesome. In its simplest it isnt any better or worse than the last one.

Monday, May 19, 2008

It happend again...

Sorry this is going to be a negative list cause I'm not in the best shape right now.

1- Airlines/ travel: This gets the biggest nawesome award ever. If you don't know me or my history Ill let you know that I have the worst luck when ever I travel. I went to California for the weekend for my cousins wedding. The flight out there went pretty well which made me very anxious about the trip back. Sure enough the trip back ended awfully. First we pulled up to the gate and the jetway didn't work. So we ended up having to stay on the plane for an extra hour while the moved us to 2 other gates. Pretty sweet huh? Then there was also the fact that I started to get sick over the weekend and as the plane was descending into Ohare my ears never unpopped from the pressure. So for the past 18 hours I have been functionally deaf. Less than nawesome.

2- Gas (both kinds): What the shit? Gasoline is like 4.25 a gallon. Lame. Sorry RDukes you'll have to come pick me up now if you want to hang out.

3- Bars that close early: The bar at both the reception and the hotel closed early. Now the bar at the reception closed right in the middle of the event because they couldn't keep up. Easy there guy. Now I understand slowing down while the other bartenders restock but to close all together, I say nay. That gets the biggest nawesome award ever.

4- Noise Canceling Headphones: Awesome during air travel. Nuff said.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Is it time for an intervention?

So I guess I could say that RDukes is one of my best friends ever and even if he and I break off our bromance Ill remember him forever. Well maybe not him specifically but the countless times he has forced me to view various parts of his man parts are burned into my mind like a branding iron...

So whether this is a great friendship or some kind of Stockholm Syndrome thing where I like him is yet to be determined. Nonetheless I am concerned about him. In recent days I have taken up a hidden post watching his behavior as it has become somewhat worrisome. He spends entirely too much time playing video games. Specifically GTA 4. The worst part is that hes not very good at video games. As I put it to him whist suffering through his attempt at completing a sniper mission..."This is like watching a retarded person eat soup".

For those of you that are concerned as well I have compiled my findings in an easy to read pie chart. Please enter in your comments to that we can save the Duker from himself...

Monday, May 12, 2008

Oh Snap!!

Well lets get off of moms for now because I just got off of a nasty three way with Dukes's mom and his wife's mom. Lets just say there was something that his mom wanted to try called a "rusty trombone". I didn't know what it was but I went along with it anyway.

So now here is my list...

1- This weeks first nawesome nomination is work. Fuck it. I need to win the lottery or finally take Dukes mom up on that whole sugar momma thing.

2- This weeks second entry on the nawesome list is people. I really dont like em.

3- Well this is more of a neutral entry neither awesome or nawsome in that it deals with SNL. This show has gone from good to bad to good again to horrible and now it is so awful that it needs to be cancelled. Then again things like this show some promise.....

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Special Message to Yolanda

Happy Mother's Day, baby. I know your son, 'Thrope, probably sent you some lame card, but let me tell you, for real, you are the best Mom I'd like to Fuck in the universe.

Remember that time you licked my balls and put your thumb up my bum? That was hot. Happy Mother's Day.

Remember that time we made a pearl necklace for you? Happy Mother's Day.

Do you recall the Renaissance Fair we attended several years ago? So much of that day was terrific, but I particularly enjoyed making that Roman helmet for you. Thy wishes you the happiest Day for Mother's.

Remember that time I wrote and sang an awesome song for you circa '94? Yeah, I barely remember either. And for the life of me, I can't remember why we didn't make a video of us getting it on, "Yolanda-style". Oh well, here's a clip someone else came up with...

Happy Mother's Day, Yo! I still love ya!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

My Entry for the Pollies

So in talking with Barack or at least his people, you ones, I now know that the campaign had a theme song of "Yes We Can!". That coupled with the message of hope has proven to be a pretty strong moniker for our candidate. Now he needs all the support we can get so I have come up with a new theme, or rather tapped into an existing idea so that we can modernize it.

Here you go and feel free to add some constructive criticism so that we can reach our target demographics...

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Live blogging from my living room.

12:20: I'm signing off. Thanks to no one for reading. To be clear, Barack split the IN delegate vote with Hillary. And he whooped her in NC. I couldn't be happier. It's a great night for Obama and his supporters. Suck it, HRC. And a big suck it to everyone else who annoyed me tonight. You know who you are.

12:15: Thank you, NW Indiana (with the exception of the Hammond Mayor). You kept HRC from claiming victory until after most normal folks went to bed. HRC won, but Obama kept it within 2 points. Know what that means, Obama won. And Goddamnit Wolf Blitzer, this isn't a "split decision". I'm pretty sure Barack actually made up his delegate loss in Pennsylvania with tonight's results. In what world is that a split? Douche-bag.

11:50: The Hammond Mayor needs to stop whining about the attention Lake Co. is getting because of the late vote results. Guess what, buddy, this is about the only attention Lake Co. will get from the national media in a while. Soak it up.

11:42: Mrs. Dukes reporting for your enjoyment once again this evening. I hope the two of you readng this really appreciate the live blogging, as RDukes is keeping me up and has dominated all mediums in our home, i.e., computer and TV. Hope it's worth it. Please don't misunderstand, all frustration of mine is directed at stupid 5% of Lake Country, Indiana. Clearly we need to elect Obama who supports education reform, seeing as this corner of Indiana is incapable of counting. The stupid local small town Indiana mayors do get an A+ on georgraphy, though. My count is about 87...that's 87 times that they ahve pointed out that (insert small town, Indiana) is a suburb of Chicago. We get it. Concentrate on math from now on, in particular, counting.

11:32: I figured out HRC's major problem. It's math. Her messengers need to start a smear campaign against math. Seriously, who likes number and how they add up to stuff anyhow? Nerds, that's who. Probably elitist nerds. Let's stop the domination of numbers and nerds. Let's wipe the slate clean and just nominate Hillary. Fuck you and your absolutes, Math.

11:15: Pretty sure Mayor of Hammond, IN won't be mayor after next election. President Barack Obama will crush him. BTW, John King from CNN is shown by split-screen playing on his IN touch-screen map. Pretty awesome visual.

11:10: Oy. Listening to HRC supporters spin this is painful. This is a close race? Really? BTW, Hammond Mayor just made my list of things to're dead to me, pal. Stop talking about how your stupid city was carried by one cares. Finally, Larry King is still alive and awake. Kudos to CNN for putting him on at 11pm CST. He's clearly a cylon.

10:58: A bit late reporting, but the Cubbies won today. Big "Z" pitched a gem tonight. Big ups.

10:52: I thought I was done drinking for the night, but I've now cracked open another Bud Select. That's an 8-0 beer-to-water ratio I have going tonight. For those keeping track. Few more beers and an IN victory equals me running naked around the block.

10:50: It needs to be said. You national pundits keep pointing out how close NW Indiana is to Chicago. Well, you're just asking for a Chicago-style election. IN is now 51%-49% HRC-BO. Truth be told, I actually voted in Gary earlier today...over email. That's legit, right?

10:39: Sweet. An hour away and not much has changed. Indiana is still close to call, and unless NW Indiana comes in huge for HRC (not possible), this race is way closer than HRC needed it to be. Even sweeter: my buddy "Whanny" Lanny is still whining. This time he called out bi-partisan advisor David Gergen who suggested "Whanny" was out of line for blaming the FL and MI debacle on Barack. One special order of Whah-burgers and French Cries for Lanny. God, this guy is a live-blogger's dream.

9:39: I'm back. I think my neighbor was stoned, so the brownies were very timely, if I'm correct. We're going to watch some Battlestar Galactica. I'll check back in an hour or so.

9:33: This is Mrs. Dukes coming at you live from the living room. RDukes was sent upstairs to deliver brownies to a douchey neighbor who did us a favor. Live blogging shall continue when he returns from this n'awesome errand. This would be an opportune time for a bathroom break and to get another beer.

9:12: Best quote of the night is from Jamal Simmons ("Democratic Strategist" and Barack supporter): "They [HRC camp] want to say, well, if Michigan counts, and if, Florida counts...well, if my aunt had a male apendage [penis], she'd be my uncle." Wow. I thought my test analogy earlier was pretty good. I got nothing on this. Kudos, Jamal.

9:08: I take it back. "Whanny". You suck. Go fuck yourself. And that is the beer talking. But it's also my inner jerk talking. Which is really part of me, so there.

9:05: I'm sorry Lanny. It's the beer talking. Seriously, come back. Vote for Barack. I love you, man. You're like my best bud. And that suit looks great. I was just joshin'. Now vote for Barack, D-bag.

8:59: "Whanny" Lanny Davis, HRC supporter who got bumped by CNN. That's your new name, Lanny. But thanks for saying that Barack's speech inspired you. Cry some more. Gawd. And it's delegates, not dele-gates. Guess if you were leading in delegates you'd pronounce it correctly (dele-gets, not dele-gates). Nice stupid suit. Jerk ass.

8:35: Michele Obama is easy on the eyes.

8:30: As I was saying, thank you to Jeffrey Toobin of CNN's election coverage. He's been consistent in his focus on the actual numbers of this Democratic Primary. He hasn't given any of those idiot CNN hosts an inch when it comes to telling them how stupid their "what if" questions are. Jeff, I don't even know you and I never heard of you before this election, but thank you. You made me a little more sane during this process.

8:24: In case I forget, thank you to...wait, Indiana is now 52%-48% HRC/BO. Nice! Go Hoosiers!

8:22: I kid, of course. HRC supporters, I love you. Come back. Vote for Barack.

8:17: I was just telling my wife that all these "what if" scenarios trotted out by Clinton supporters are just silly. CNN literally just went through 3 different pie charts showing that Barack is leading in primary elections, caucus elections, and the popular vote (including FL). And dumb ass people still want to hint and suggest that maybe HRC can still pull this out. Seriously, this is like a kid getting a "C" on a test and trying to lobby their teacher and parents that if the middle 11 questions hadn't been counted (remember when Barack won 11 states in a row?), they totally would've aced the test. What would most teachers and parents say? Well, if I was a teacher or parent, I'd tell the kid to go fuck themselves and stop wasting my time and stop dividing our party. Hey, HRC and your supporters: Go Fuck Your Collective Selves.

8:06: Just need to say, if this situation were reversed and Clinton was ahead on all scorecards (delegates, popular vote, etc.), I wouldn't be live-blogging. Barack would've been forced out, I don't know, about one day after Super Tuesday.

8:05: Barack takes North Ca-calaca to the house. 6 point race in Indiana. Go Hoosiers!

Monday, May 5, 2008

A douches excuse for a list

So Ill be brief in my intro but this past week/ weekend worked out pretty well. So enough of that and on with the list...

First- Awesome goes to the guvment. I got my economic stimulus check and put it to work fixing the country. So in essence this is a co-awesome as I helped to save the economy.

B- Forgetting Sarah Marshall. This movie is pretty awesome. Of all the Aptow movies Ive seen this one is at the top. Even though there are several gratuitous wang shots this movie pulls it off really well. And besides what red blooded American male doesn't appreciate the occasional cock? I know I do.

#Trois- Me. Lets just say that I was able to yet again pull off a classic performance on Saturday night. There may have been some drinking involved but my night culminated with me yelling "DOUCHE" repeatedly at a douche walking past me in a crosswalk on Halsted. Awesome move by me.