Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Live blogging from my living room.

12:20: I'm signing off. Thanks to no one for reading. To be clear, Barack split the IN delegate vote with Hillary. And he whooped her in NC. I couldn't be happier. It's a great night for Obama and his supporters. Suck it, HRC. And a big suck it to everyone else who annoyed me tonight. You know who you are.

12:15: Thank you, NW Indiana (with the exception of the Hammond Mayor). You kept HRC from claiming victory until after most normal folks went to bed. HRC won, but Obama kept it within 2 points. Know what that means, Obama won. And Goddamnit Wolf Blitzer, this isn't a "split decision". I'm pretty sure Barack actually made up his delegate loss in Pennsylvania with tonight's results. In what world is that a split? Douche-bag.

11:50: The Hammond Mayor needs to stop whining about the attention Lake Co. is getting because of the late vote results. Guess what, buddy, this is about the only attention Lake Co. will get from the national media in a while. Soak it up.

11:42: Mrs. Dukes reporting for your enjoyment once again this evening. I hope the two of you readng this really appreciate the live blogging, as RDukes is keeping me up and has dominated all mediums in our home, i.e., computer and TV. Hope it's worth it. Please don't misunderstand, all frustration of mine is directed at stupid 5% of Lake Country, Indiana. Clearly we need to elect Obama who supports education reform, seeing as this corner of Indiana is incapable of counting. The stupid local small town Indiana mayors do get an A+ on georgraphy, though. My count is about 87...that's 87 times that they ahve pointed out that (insert small town, Indiana) is a suburb of Chicago. We get it. Concentrate on math from now on, in particular, counting.

11:32: I figured out HRC's major problem. It's math. Her messengers need to start a smear campaign against math. Seriously, who likes number and how they add up to stuff anyhow? Nerds, that's who. Probably elitist nerds. Let's stop the domination of numbers and nerds. Let's wipe the slate clean and just nominate Hillary. Fuck you and your absolutes, Math.

11:15: Pretty sure Mayor of Hammond, IN won't be mayor after next election. President Barack Obama will crush him. BTW, John King from CNN is shown by split-screen playing on his IN touch-screen map. Pretty awesome visual.

11:10: Oy. Listening to HRC supporters spin this is painful. This is a close race? Really? BTW, Hammond Mayor just made my list of things to do...you're dead to me, pal. Stop talking about how your stupid city was carried by HRC...no one cares. Finally, Larry King is still alive and awake. Kudos to CNN for putting him on at 11pm CST. He's clearly a cylon.

10:58: A bit late reporting, but the Cubbies won today. Big "Z" pitched a gem tonight. Big ups.

10:52: I thought I was done drinking for the night, but I've now cracked open another Bud Select. That's an 8-0 beer-to-water ratio I have going tonight. For those keeping track. Few more beers and an IN victory equals me running naked around the block.

10:50: It needs to be said. You national pundits keep pointing out how close NW Indiana is to Chicago. Well, you're just asking for a Chicago-style election. IN is now 51%-49% HRC-BO. Truth be told, I actually voted in Gary earlier today...over email. That's legit, right?

10:39: Sweet. An hour away and not much has changed. Indiana is still close to call, and unless NW Indiana comes in huge for HRC (not possible), this race is way closer than HRC needed it to be. Even sweeter: my buddy "Whanny" Lanny is still whining. This time he called out bi-partisan advisor David Gergen who suggested "Whanny" was out of line for blaming the FL and MI debacle on Barack. One special order of Whah-burgers and French Cries for Lanny. God, this guy is a live-blogger's dream.

9:39: I'm back. I think my neighbor was stoned, so the brownies were very timely, if I'm correct. We're going to watch some Battlestar Galactica. I'll check back in an hour or so.

9:33: This is Mrs. Dukes coming at you live from the living room. RDukes was sent upstairs to deliver brownies to a douchey neighbor who did us a favor. Live blogging shall continue when he returns from this n'awesome errand. This would be an opportune time for a bathroom break and to get another beer.

9:12: Best quote of the night is from Jamal Simmons ("Democratic Strategist" and Barack supporter): "They [HRC camp] want to say, well, if Michigan counts, and if, Florida counts...well, if my aunt had a male apendage [penis], she'd be my uncle." Wow. I thought my test analogy earlier was pretty good. I got nothing on this. Kudos, Jamal.

9:08: I take it back. "Whanny". You suck. Go fuck yourself. And that is the beer talking. But it's also my inner jerk talking. Which is really part of me, so there.

9:05: I'm sorry Lanny. It's the beer talking. Seriously, come back. Vote for Barack. I love you, man. You're like my best bud. And that suit looks great. I was just joshin'. Now vote for Barack, D-bag.

8:59: "Whanny" Lanny Davis, HRC supporter who got bumped by CNN. That's your new name, Lanny. But thanks for saying that Barack's speech inspired you. Cry some more. Gawd. And it's delegates, not dele-gates. Guess if you were leading in delegates you'd pronounce it correctly (dele-gets, not dele-gates). Nice stupid suit. Jerk ass.

8:35: Michele Obama is easy on the eyes.

8:30: As I was saying, thank you to Jeffrey Toobin of CNN's election coverage. He's been consistent in his focus on the actual numbers of this Democratic Primary. He hasn't given any of those idiot CNN hosts an inch when it comes to telling them how stupid their "what if" questions are. Jeff, I don't even know you and I never heard of you before this election, but thank you. You made me a little more sane during this process.

8:24: In case I forget, thank you to...wait, Indiana is now 52%-48% HRC/BO. Nice! Go Hoosiers!

8:22: I kid, of course. HRC supporters, I love you. Come back. Vote for Barack.

8:17: I was just telling my wife that all these "what if" scenarios trotted out by Clinton supporters are just silly. CNN literally just went through 3 different pie charts showing that Barack is leading in primary elections, caucus elections, and the popular vote (including FL). And dumb ass people still want to hint and suggest that maybe HRC can still pull this out. Seriously, this is like a kid getting a "C" on a test and trying to lobby their teacher and parents that if the middle 11 questions hadn't been counted (remember when Barack won 11 states in a row?), they totally would've aced the test. What would most teachers and parents say? Well, if I was a teacher or parent, I'd tell the kid to go fuck themselves and stop wasting my time and stop dividing our party. Hey, HRC and your supporters: Go Fuck Your Collective Selves.

8:06: Just need to say, if this situation were reversed and Clinton was ahead on all scorecards (delegates, popular vote, etc.), I wouldn't be live-blogging. Barack would've been forced out, I don't know, about one day after Super Tuesday.

8:05: Barack takes North Ca-calaca to the house. 6 point race in Indiana. Go Hoosiers!


RDukes said...

wow. this is great. keep up the terrific live-blogging. very informative.

Zachary C said...

You need to do this more often. Just like, you know, when watching TV or porn or whatever you know?

No. Seriously man!

Anonymous said...

you're too negative. you're going to give yourself an ulcer.

an optimistic misanthrope said...

Ulcers are a bacterial infection not a self acquired condition. Don’t they teach you anything in NY?
My initial assessment has always proven to be true…Indiana is nawesome.

RDukes said...

It was the mix of beer and idiotic punditry that bred such negativity.

And my live-blogging porn session will likely be short and without words. Mostly grunts and a climatic sigh of relief. But I'm happy get into that if that's what the people want.

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