Happy Mother's Day, baby. I know your son, 'Thrope, probably sent you some lame card, but let me tell you, for real, you are the best Mom I'd like to Fuck in the universe.
Remember that time you licked my balls and put your thumb up my bum? That was hot. Happy Mother's Day.
Remember that time we made a pearl necklace for you? Happy Mother's Day.
Do you recall the Renaissance Fair we attended several years ago? So much of that day was terrific, but I particularly enjoyed making that Roman helmet for you. Thy wishes you the happiest Day for Mother's.
Remember that time I wrote and sang an awesome song for you circa '94? Yeah, I barely remember either. And for the life of me, I can't remember why we didn't make a video of us getting it on, "Yolanda-style". Oh well, here's a clip someone else came up with...
Happy Mother's Day, Yo! I still love ya!