Aw-Some

recorded/live-blogging on Palin speech

2008-09-03T21:15:00.000-07:00

It's been a while...but I think this warrants a post.

Quick wrap-up: Lamer and N'awesomer than I expected. Similar to a Nickelback show opened by Nickleback.

11:51pm--D'oh. Recording stopped. It's just as well. Not sure I like this McCain-Palin ticket. I mean I'm white and all. I'm just not sure Republican white.

11:49pm--Pan across the crowd...douche bags abound.

11:48pm--And the red meat continues...civil rights are for pussies (credit to the wife for that line).

11:46pm--Man, I think Michelle might want to whoop up on this bitch. For what it's worth, I think it'd be a good fight.

11:41pm--I think I just heard her say she nationalized oil production in Alaska. Wow, this is getting good.

11:38pm--OMG. The Republicans just had a collective orgasm when she knocked the media elite. Wonder if Fox News is a part of that establishment. Someone grab a towel.

11:36pm--Oh snap. No she didn't. She just dissed community organizers. Oh, it's on. I'm about to do a strategy chart and some relational meetings now.

11:34pm--I wish Bob Probert would drop the gloves with this "hockey-mom".

11:32pm--Loving the all-black back drop for Palin...countering those of us who commented on the lack of diversity in the crowd. This just in: Palin still loves America. And she's proud of it.

11:31pm--Republican's just clapped for unions...kind of. Wait, I can't hear...Cindy McCain's dress is too loud.

11:30pm--Seriously, this is like listening to a PTA president talk about how reading is important.

11:27pm--news flash: Palin's proud of the troops. And a chant of "USA, USA" breaks out.

11:25PM--Put our country first. Message of the night. That's opposed to Obama/Biden's platform of putting Australia first.

11:22pm--What's the "S" in John S. McCain stand for? Sadaam?

11:21pm--is she from Alaska or Wisconsin? Sounds like a cheesehead.

11:20pm--they're still clapping...c'mon. Let's save that for Barack.

11:18pm--I see white people. Not an original observation regarding Republicans, I know. But sheez, let some people of color in. Even Palin's wardrobe lacks color.

11:17pm--the wife is tired and wants to fast-forward through Sir 9/11. I'm certain we missed nothing.

11:16pm--Mr. 9/11 is up first. Sucky speaker. Can't believe he makes millions making speeches for a living.

Mr. Kucinich done snapped on Washington

2008-06-09T18:24:00.000-07:00

In case you don't know Rep. Kucinich introduced a 35 count impeachment proceeding this evening. From what I can tell he started a couple hours ago and is only on article 17. This is either going to be brushed off or go forward and make some progress on executive accountability, to what end I don't know...

I may try to live blog some more of this as I watch it.

A mans guide to stuff and things...

2008-06-06T07:08:00.000-07:00

So no list this week as I am becoming some what disenchanted with typing up ordered lists about inconsequential things. In its stead I am going to continue to post random things with even less meaning. So in order to begin your weekend I will give you a definitive guide to being a dude. And if you find that you are not a dude or even if you discover that you are the opposite of a dude, a chick, Ill let you behind the curtain...

Get Learnt Here

So this Facebook thing could be big.

2008-05-29T20:17:00.000-07:00

My hiatus from the world of Aw-Some can be blamed on this new way to network socially, Facebook. Yeah, I never heard of it either. That is, until about a week ago.

Since I joined, I've noticed that many of my friends and/or people I know have followed my lead. I don't want to take too much credit, but I'm just sayin'.

Now that I've helped get this little project off the ground, I can devote more time to Aw-Some.

A short week...listed.

2008-05-27T07:58:00.000-07:00

I hope everybody had a good holiday weekend and honored the troops by driving long distances and grilling processed meats. I know I did.

first- Awesome goes to Memorial Day weekend. I love an extra day off. It rules.

second- Im going to give Guitar Hero an awesome cause I can. I wasnt sure if I was going to like it but after a couple of trys I got into it and was able to hang with RDukes who spent most of the last week playing that game while he was supposed to be working. I now want to try Rock Band so I can suck at drums too.

3rd- Again RDukes gets a nawsome nomination. He is the one person on this blog that would contribute meaningful comments and ideas. My posts are more of the variety that reflect my level of maturity. For some time RDukes would post about things we should care about like world events, politics, and election issues. Where as I post about things we should care less about like tv, video games, and Afghanistan. We need him to pull more of his weight around here.

last- Henry Jones Jr. and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I saw this on Sunday and it was not too bad but fails to be awesome. In its simplest it isnt any better or worse than the last one.

It happend again...

2008-05-19T11:19:00.000-07:00

Sorry this is going to be a negative list cause I'm not in the best shape right now.

1- Airlines/ travel: This gets the biggest nawesome award ever. If you don't know me or my history Ill let you know that I have the worst luck when ever I travel. I went to California for the weekend for my cousins wedding. The flight out there went pretty well which made me very anxious about the trip back. Sure enough the trip back ended awfully. First we pulled up to the gate and the jetway didn't work. So we ended up having to stay on the plane for an extra hour while the moved us to 2 other gates. Pretty sweet huh? Then there was also the fact that I started to get sick over the weekend and as the plane was descending into Ohare my ears never unpopped from the pressure. So for the past 18 hours I have been functionally deaf. Less than nawesome.

2- Gas (both kinds): What the shit? Gasoline is like 4.25 a gallon. Lame. Sorry RDukes you'll have to come pick me up now if you want to hang out.

3- Bars that close early: The bar at both the reception and the hotel closed early. Now the bar at the reception closed right in the middle of the event because they couldn't keep up. Easy there guy. Now I understand slowing down while the other bartenders restock but to close all together, I say nay. That gets the biggest nawesome award ever.

4- Noise Canceling Headphones: Awesome during air travel. Nuff said.

Is it time for an intervention?

2008-05-15T07:47:00.000-07:00

So I guess I could say that RDukes is one of my best friends ever and even if he and I break off our bromance Ill remember him forever. Well maybe not him specifically but the countless times he has forced me to view various parts of his man parts are burned into my mind like a branding iron...

So whether this is a great friendship or some kind of Stockholm Syndrome thing where I like him is yet to be determined. Nonetheless I am concerned about him. In recent days I have taken up a hidden post watching his behavior as it has become somewhat worrisome. He spends entirely too much time playing video games. Specifically GTA 4. The worst part is that hes not very good at video games. As I put it to him whist suffering through his attempt at completing a sniper mission..."This is like watching a retarded person eat soup".

For those of you that are concerned as well I have compiled my findings in an easy to read pie chart. Please enter in your comments to that we can save the Duker from himself...

Oh Snap!!

2008-05-12T06:35:00.000-07:00

Well lets get off of moms for now because I just got off of a nasty three way with Dukes's mom and his wife's mom. Lets just say there was something that his mom wanted to try called a "rusty trombone". I didn't know what it was but I went along with it anyway.

So now here is my list...

1- This weeks first nawesome nomination is work. Fuck it. I need to win the lottery or finally take Dukes mom up on that whole sugar momma thing.

2- This weeks second entry on the nawesome list is people. I really dont like em.

3- Well this is more of a neutral entry neither awesome or nawsome in that it deals with SNL. This show has gone from good to bad to good again to horrible and now it is so awful that it needs to be cancelled. Then again things like this show some promise.....

Special Message to Yolanda

2008-05-11T16:28:00.001-07:00

Happy Mother's Day, baby. I know your son, 'Thrope, probably sent you some lame card, but let me tell you, for real, you are the best Mom I'd like to Fuck in the universe.

Remember that time you licked my balls and put your thumb up my bum? That was hot. Happy Mother's Day.

Remember that time we made a pearl necklace for you? Happy Mother's Day.

Do you recall the Renaissance Fair we attended several years ago? So much of that day was terrific, but I particularly enjoyed making that Roman helmet for you. Thy wishes you the happiest Day for Mother's.

Remember that time I wrote and sang an awesome song for you circa '94? Yeah, I barely remember either. And for the life of me, I can't remember why we didn't make a video of us getting it on, "Yolanda-style". Oh well, here's a clip someone else came up with...

Happy Mother's Day, Yo! I still love ya!

My Entry for the Pollies

2008-05-07T20:35:00.000-07:00

So in talking with Barack or at least his people, you know...black ones, I now know that the campaign had a theme song of "Yes We Can!". That coupled with the message of hope has proven to be a pretty strong moniker for our candidate. Now he needs all the support we can get so I have come up with a new theme, or rather tapped into an existing idea so that we can modernize it.

Here you go and feel free to add some constructive criticism so that we can reach our target demographics...

Live blogging from my living room.

2008-05-06T18:04:00.000-07:00

12:20: I'm signing off. Thanks to no one for reading. To be clear, Barack split the IN delegate vote with Hillary. And he whooped her in NC. I couldn't be happier. It's a great night for Obama and his supporters. Suck it, HRC. And a big suck it to everyone else who annoyed me tonight. You know who you are.

12:15: Thank you, NW Indiana (with the exception of the Hammond Mayor). You kept HRC from claiming victory until after most normal folks went to bed. HRC won, but Obama kept it within 2 points. Know what that means, Obama won. And Goddamnit Wolf Blitzer, this isn't a "split decision". I'm pretty sure Barack actually made up his delegate loss in Pennsylvania with tonight's results. In what world is that a split? Douche-bag.

11:50: The Hammond Mayor needs to stop whining about the attention Lake Co. is getting because of the late vote results. Guess what, buddy, this is about the only attention Lake Co. will get from the national media in a while. Soak it up.

11:42: Mrs. Dukes reporting for your enjoyment once again this evening. I hope the two of you readng this really appreciate the live blogging, as RDukes is keeping me up and has dominated all mediums in our home, i.e., computer and TV. Hope it's worth it. Please don't misunderstand, all frustration of mine is directed at stupid 5% of Lake Country, Indiana. Clearly we need to elect Obama who supports education reform, seeing as this corner of Indiana is incapable of counting. The stupid local small town Indiana mayors do get an A+ on georgraphy, though. My count is about 87...that's 87 times that they ahve pointed out that (insert small town, Indiana) is a suburb of Chicago. We get it. Concentrate on math from now on, in particular, counting.

11:32: I figured out HRC's major problem. It's math. Her messengers need to start a smear campaign against math. Seriously, who likes number and how they add up to stuff anyhow? Nerds, that's who. Probably elitist nerds. Let's stop the domination of numbers and nerds. Let's wipe the slate clean and just nominate Hillary. Fuck you and your absolutes, Math.

11:15: Pretty sure Mayor of Hammond, IN won't be mayor after next election. President Barack Obama will crush him. BTW, John King from CNN is shown by split-screen playing on his IN touch-screen map. Pretty awesome visual.

11:10: Oy. Listening to HRC supporters spin this is painful. This is a close race? Really? BTW, Hammond Mayor just made my list of things to do...you're dead to me, pal. Stop talking about how your stupid city was carried by HRC...no one cares. Finally, Larry King is still alive and awake. Kudos to CNN for putting him on at 11pm CST. He's clearly a cylon.

10:58: A bit late reporting, but the Cubbies won today. Big "Z" pitched a gem tonight. Big ups.

10:52: I thought I was done drinking for the night, but I've now cracked open another Bud Select. That's an 8-0 beer-to-water ratio I have going tonight. For those keeping track. Few more beers and an IN victory equals me running naked around the block.

10:50: It needs to be said. You national pundits keep pointing out how close NW Indiana is to Chicago. Well, you're just asking for a Chicago-style election. IN is now 51%-49% HRC-BO. Truth be told, I actually voted in Gary earlier today...over email. That's legit, right?

10:39: Sweet. An hour away and not much has changed. Indiana is still close to call, and unless NW Indiana comes in huge for HRC (not possible), this race is way closer than HRC needed it to be. Even sweeter: my buddy "Whanny" Lanny is still whining. This time he called out bi-partisan advisor David Gergen who suggested "Whanny" was out of line for blaming the FL and MI debacle on Barack. One special order of Whah-burgers and French Cries for Lanny. God, this guy is a live-blogger's dream.

9:39: I'm back. I think my neighbor was stoned, so the brownies were very timely, if I'm correct. We're going to watch some Battlestar Galactica. I'll check back in an hour or so.

9:33: This is Mrs. Dukes coming at you live from the living room. RDukes was sent upstairs to deliver brownies to a douchey neighbor who did us a favor. Live blogging shall continue when he returns from this n'awesome errand. This would be an opportune time for a bathroom break and to get another beer.

9:12: Best quote of the night is from Jamal Simmons ("Democratic Strategist" and Barack supporter): "They [HRC camp] want to say, well, if Michigan counts, and if, Florida counts...well, if my aunt had a male apendage [penis], she'd be my uncle." Wow. I thought my test analogy earlier was pretty good. I got nothing on this. Kudos, Jamal.

9:08: I take it back. "Whanny". You suck. Go fuck yourself. And that is the beer talking. But it's also my inner jerk talking. Which is really part of me, so there.

9:05: I'm sorry Lanny. It's the beer talking. Seriously, come back. Vote for Barack. I love you, man. You're like my best bud. And that suit looks great. I was just joshin'. Now vote for Barack, D-bag.

8:59: "Whanny" Lanny Davis, HRC supporter who got bumped by CNN. That's your new name, Lanny. But thanks for saying that Barack's speech inspired you. Cry some more. Gawd. And it's delegates, not dele-gates. Guess if you were leading in delegates you'd pronounce it correctly (dele-gets, not dele-gates). Nice stupid suit. Jerk ass.

8:35: Michele Obama is easy on the eyes.

8:30: As I was saying, thank you to Jeffrey Toobin of CNN's election coverage. He's been consistent in his focus on the actual numbers of this Democratic Primary. He hasn't given any of those idiot CNN hosts an inch when it comes to telling them how stupid their "what if" questions are. Jeff, I don't even know you and I never heard of you before this election, but thank you. You made me a little more sane during this process.

8:24: In case I forget, thank you to...wait, Indiana is now 52%-48% HRC/BO. Nice! Go Hoosiers!

8:22: I kid, of course. HRC supporters, I love you. Come back. Vote for Barack.

8:17: I was just telling my wife that all these "what if" scenarios trotted out by Clinton supporters are just silly. CNN literally just went through 3 different pie charts showing that Barack is leading in primary elections, caucus elections, and the popular vote (including FL). And dumb ass people still want to hint and suggest that maybe HRC can still pull this out. Seriously, this is like a kid getting a "C" on a test and trying to lobby their teacher and parents that if the middle 11 questions hadn't been counted (remember when Barack won 11 states in a row?), they totally would've aced the test. What would most teachers and parents say? Well, if I was a teacher or parent, I'd tell the kid to go fuck themselves and stop wasting my time and stop dividing our party. Hey, HRC and your supporters: Go Fuck Your Collective Selves.

8:06: Just need to say, if this situation were reversed and Clinton was ahead on all scorecards (delegates, popular vote, etc.), I wouldn't be live-blogging. Barack would've been forced out, I don't know, about one day after Super Tuesday.

8:05: Barack takes North Ca-calaca to the house. 6 point race in Indiana. Go Hoosiers!

A douches excuse for a list

2008-05-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

So Ill be brief in my intro but this past week/ weekend worked out pretty well. So enough of that and on with the list...

First- Awesome goes to the guvment. I got my economic stimulus check and put it to work fixing the country. So in essence this is a co-awesome as I helped to save the economy.

B- Forgetting Sarah Marshall. This movie is pretty awesome. Of all the Aptow movies Ive seen this one is at the top. Even though there are several gratuitous wang shots this movie pulls it off really well. And besides what red blooded American male doesn't appreciate the occasional cock? I know I do.

#Trois- Me. Lets just say that I was able to yet again pull off a classic performance on Saturday night. There may have been some drinking involved but my night culminated with me yelling "DOUCHE" repeatedly at a douche walking past me in a crosswalk on Halsted. Awesome move by me.

The weekly list for the painfully impatient

2008-04-29T18:16:00.000-07:00

I may be a little late in this post but the truth is I don't really care. Now some of you may think that I was too lazy to post this on Monday and to those people I say, so fucking what. And now here's the short list...

First- As noted below GTA 4 came out and its awesome. Probably the best part is the online feature which allows you to senselessly beat up other people or to resign yourself to being a taxi driver. Nice.

Second- This weeks only nawesome mention goes to RDukes. He created a poll just to point out the fact that I didn't post this earlier. Now some may say that he was doing that to be funny and to attempt to give me shit. I think that he just misses me and was mad that I didn't come over to his place at midnight to play GTA 4. Suck it nerd. At least Ive never pre-ordered a video game and picked it up at midnight.

Third- This one is a clip packed with awesomeness. If you don't laugh at this you are fucking lame.

Fourth- I saw Cloverfield. If you take a movie shot entirely from the perspective of a handy cam, threw in a couple hot chicks, one giant fucking monster, a few smaller monsters, and a whole bunch of death you would have this movie. I know there are some parts of the movie that are poorly done, I above all other people will recognize this, but I thought it was good. If you factor in the limitations of shooting a movie entirely from the first person point of view it will allow you to forgive some of the plot holes. If you hated The Blair Witch then you should like this movie.

Liberty City: Day 1

2008-04-29T06:16:00.000-07:00

Great opening story line about, I was right, a European immigrant (Bosnian, I think) arriving via ship to Liberty City to hit the jackpot with his big-shot cousin who owns a mansion. Or so he thinks, based on the letters his cousin sent.

As we all know, cousins be lying. In reality, his cousin Roman lives in a shit-hole and works as a taxi dispatch.

What's a brother to do? Well, if you're me, you get nabbed by the cops twice in the first 5 minutes after bullying the locals (they don't go down so easy).

Then I drove Roman around a bit (and saved him from some loan shark thugs). I finished my early morning off with a date to the bowling alley with Michelle.

I didn't hop online for the multi-player yet. It generally takes me a bit to get acclimated to the controls, and I didn't want to be a walking target for legitimate nerds who are actually good at gaming.

I'm less than an hour away...

2008-04-28T21:07:00.000-07:00

from engaging in a post-structuralist commentary on American society from (multiple) "other", immigrant perspective(s).

Otherwise known as, Grand Theft Auto 4, bitches. That's right. I'll be some Eastern Eurpean (I think) immigrant arriving in "The City of Liberty", Liberty City.

My first act: probably steal a car, maybe a cop car. I'm crazy. Never know what I might do.

My now weekly Awesome/ Nawsome list...

2008-04-20T20:33:00.000-07:00

It goes without saying that I am engaged in many extracurricular activities, most of which are not sports related. I watch enough tv for 2, surf the Internet more than you will ever, watch about 3-5 movies a week, and play more video games than you (and I play them better than RDukes*). So keeping this in mind I will now try to update some of my opinions on what I find out there so you nerds can keep up.

First:
Movie- Lion for Lambs:
I really liked this movie. Sure it bled into the sycophantic and was just enough over the PC line for hollywood to think that they made a point, but nonetheless I liked it. The movie itself does a good job in drawing out most of the parts of our political/ sociological culture and doesn't villianize a particular one. I could only wish that they would add a representative voice like my own in there. I wouldn't even need any lines just a pan and pause to show my contempt. Something like this: 'Camera pans left across the classroom mid debate and pauses on a man wearing a hoodie and jeans looking disappointed at his fellow classmates, specifically Anthony Demagio.'

Second:
TV- I know I made a post about Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel. Not even one day after I posted about my bro-mance with Deadliest Catch I read this... . My faith in reality TV has been shook. =Nawsome

Third:
Baseball- The Cubs are 12-6. doing ok but why the fuck does Dempster go Chernobyl in the fifth inning today. Result= Cubs win, but potential for Nawesomeness was there.

*This excludes all versions of Madden

N'Awesome if you think 311 is Awesome

2008-04-20T19:43:00.000-07:00

I have an (ir?)rational hatred for the band 311. Maybe it has to do with the fans I associate them with (pseudo-hippies trying to tell me what's what), or maybe it can be chalked up to shitty music which combines bad rock, reggae, and "rap" into a genre known as Suck. Seriously. As a fan of hip-hop, I'm terribly offended by the fact that 311 is associated at all with rap music.

And it's because of this that I have trouble understanding Optimistic Misanthrope's love of this Omaha, NE band. In honor of this love, here's another N'Awesome video from the band of the same name as Chicago-city's non-emergency informational number.

Happy 420 Day!

2008-04-20T09:45:00.000-07:00

I nearly forgot about Misanthrope's favorite holiday! Bongs up, dude! This one's just for you...

What the fuck is the matter with people?

2008-04-18T22:55:00.000-07:00

So, I live in a building with some folks who are, I presume, in a higher tax bracket than I am (one dude owns a Dodge Viper...we own a '99 Sun Fire). Now, I'm a bit of a Marxist, but I try not to let this fact impact my opinions of my neighbors.

But these motherfuckers that I share a building with are making it tough.

Since we moved in last February, we've been subject to broadly accusatory emails from others in the building from everything to garbage issues, garage doors left open, and now, a dirty elevator floors. To be sure, all of these are legit issues to raise...assuming you don't raise them as though everyone else in the building is an ASS-HOLE.

Sample email exchange (regarding minor spill in elevator which I had nothing to do with):

Jerk 1: "Wanted to determine when is the next cleaning? Someone spilled something in the middle of the elevator and I am sure we would like it cleaning fairly soon."
Hmm...time it took you to write email...could've cleaned spill yourself...lazy fuck.

Jerk 2: "Whoever spilled in the elevator.....clean it up!!!"
Umm, how do you know it isn't the tenant you rent to, dumb ass?

Jerk 3 (me): "Maybe I just have a high opinion of my neighbors, but I assume if it was one of us, we'd clean it up. More likely, it was a visitor. I'm happy to clean up the spill. Should take about a minute."
Wow, sounds like a reasonable position after some beer and whiskey.

Now, granted, I was drunk when I responded with this last email. However, there is a consistent pattern of idiots shooting off emails accusing every other owner in the building of being negligent. Rather than giving the benefit of the doubt (as I did--pinning it on jerk-ass visitors...), they assume that other residents in the building just suck ass.

I know, I know. Poor me. I have idiot neighbors. But seriously. How about some email etiquette?

Fucking rich people.

Fucking white people.

Frak!

2008-04-16T17:49:00.000-07:00

So another show that you should be watching is BSG. For those of you not in the know that stands for Battlestar Galatica. This is the last season for this show and if you haven't seen an episode yet you should start from the beginning. There are plenty of reasons why you should watch it but if you're worried that you couldn't watch a scifi show just know that it doesn't rely on lasers and aliens but rather dialogue and a deep plot.

One of the shows producers, Ronald Moore, has a political science degree from Cornell which really shines through in the pilot as well as the first 2 seasons. The bring up some sensitive topics that were and are still current but do it in a what that isn't a blatant ploy but an intelligent social commentary. Now that they are on season 4 they will tie everything up and end the series. This season started off so strong that I dropped a beer all over myself within the first 5 minutes of the season premiere and could only say, "No fucking way!!".

There's a lot of promise to this show and I'm sad to see it leave. I watch enough TV for 2 people and I can only wish that more series were written with such purpose. Any way here's a clip from Letterman before the start of this season. You need to check it out.

Ahoy

2008-04-15T19:38:00.000-07:00

Its a major awesome alert when Deadliest Catch starts up again. If you don't watch this show you should, if you watch it then you know what I am talking about. Sure this may be just a guy thing and I know its no Desperate Housewives but check out this clip and you tell me which is tougher...crab fisherman or Teri Hatcher.

Re: the N'Awesome Alert to our right...

2008-04-14T11:18:00.000-07:00

For the record, HRC is drinking, or, more accurately, staring cross-eyed at, a shot of Crown Royal, a Canadien whiskey.

Further reason to question how much she opposes these free-trade deals.

Are there any NetZero users out there?

2008-04-12T07:15:00.001-07:00

If so, why? Who the fuck still uses this crap?

I mean seriously, they're still running ads and making a pitch for your money.

To quench my curiosity, I wiki'd the company. Confirmed that Net Zero was a successful company in the early going. However, affordable broadband destroyed its necessity. In the wake of this, what do they do?

Offer a product that is even worse than its shitty predecessor. You only have 10 hours of free access in a given month, then you have to pay their $10 fee for unlimited use. Your customers are cheap in the first place...that's why they wanted internet access for free (I was one of 'em).

It's Ireland Bitches.

2008-04-08T19:25:00.000-07:00

I recently had what will likely end up being the trip of my lifetime (don't want to rule out matching or improving upon it, but it seems nearly impossible).

For those that don't know the story, my wife, also known as "Best. Wife. Ever", planned and executed a surprise trip to Ireland for my 30th birthday celebration for our friends and us.

It's hard for me to describe how I felt. Here's my best attempt: see that paragraph immediately above this one that describes the trip? After I wrote it, I looked at it incredulously. Know why? Because it reads like something I can't imagine happening to me or anyone I know. Reads like something that would happen in a movie or TV show. So when I think about how I feel, it almost feels like it didn't happen to me. Feels like it happened to another person.

Sorry for the convoluted explanation, but it is what it is.

So, in the midst of my Irish surprise, I told myself that I would do some writing about my experience so that I would remember its greatness years from now (I have a terrible memory--I forget the endings to movies all the time...though this is a bit different). I'm going to try to write up any big or small insights and thoughts I had on the trip in regular intervals. However, because I'm pretty lazy, these posts will come infrequently.

Items to discuss in future posts (so I don't forget):
-Irish people don't discuss "Bloody Sunday" unemotionally.
-Ireland has lots of sheep.
-Heavy bag cost us 100 Euro.
-Getting surprised by friends in Dublin never got old.
-Ireland has lots of stones and rocks.
-Irish people were very interested in who I had winning the American Presidency.
-Irish guys don't wear beards (or how I made myself look more American).
-Driving on the other side of the road was mostly OK.

Drum Roll Please...

2008-03-19T18:52:00.000-07:00

Let's just say I'm not challenging Kimbo Slice anytime soon. Enjoy my suffering.

Something New Already

2008-03-19T10:42:00.000-07:00

Actually RDukes has promised a post for later today. Unlike me he is actually working at work. This is just a shout out to one of our half dozen fans.

DING! DING! DING!

2008-03-10T08:16:00.000-07:00

And the winner is...Not RDukes.

First of all let me start by saying that his bout was probably the most evenly matched of the night. It seems as though the academy that sponsored the event has a predilection to mismatch their opponents if given the opportunity. There were several lame ass matches between 7 year old precious snowflakes which served no point but to make me wish I was drinking. The other bouts were paired by selecting a guy that obviously had practiced with some jackass that had just signed up. This was never more apparent then during one of the first boxing matches when the blue corner opened up with a flurry of punches somewhat reminiscent of a gran mal seizure. Needless to say this guy got beat. Nawsome for him good for the guy who won.

Now we get to the reason behind this post. If we ignore the ring announcer mispronounce the name of our fighter and move on overall the bout went real well. Although he was caught with 1 good punch 25 seconds in the rest of the 2 round bout went very well. Both of the fighters were well paced and evenly matched for this exhibition. In watching the replay of the bout there were some irregularities in the time management but neither fighter complained.
In the end it came to a split decision in favor of the opponent. So as it stands bad guys 1, good guys 0.
Lets just say that the win was theved.

On the morning of the eve of RDukes asskicking...

2008-03-07T09:35:00.000-08:00

So I will not try to hide the fact that I spend a small majority of my day scouring the Internets for things and such. I try to read up on a wide array of things that may include politics, technology, and porn. I really enjoy FARK.com. Its a news aggregator site that will offer little snippets of info from all over the world. Every now and then I come across some shit that is mind boggling. I found this link on their page this morning. It is somewhat disturbing to me but its getting harder to "distrub" me these days. To be honest more often than not it just makes me sad to realize how F'd in the A we are as a species...
Case in point the Playmobil Security Check Point.

What the fuck????
The only thing that gives me solace is the fact that people don't take this stuff seriously. Just read the customer reviews for a good laugh...

Ohio you lack good judgement. And you suck.

2008-03-05T18:13:00.000-08:00

In addition to being an extremely long and boring state to get through when one drives from Chicago to the East Coast, you're clearly a state that lacks good judgement.

First you put George W. over the top in 2004. Real nice.

Now you racist-ly choose a white woman over a qualified black man (c'mon, they have the offensive Chief Wahoo as the mascot of the Cleveland Indians)? Way to keep up the tradition of stupid decisions.

And you know what really gets me, if NAFTA and the economy are your biggest concerns, how do you go with the wife of the guy who pushed NAFTA through? You actually buy that she's remorseful about it passing?

If I may be permitted to use a sports analogy: Your support of Clinton is akin to the state of Ohio voting Michael Jordan's game-winning jumpers over Craig Ehlo as the greatest NBA play ever (which, of course, they are).

Youth Vote and E-quakes.

2008-03-03T19:21:00.001-08:00

Not much to say with this post. I'll let the video clip do the talking.

Two words for this clip...

AW

SOME

Soccer comes to CA politics...

2008-03-01T10:58:00.000-08:00

Looks like the a member of the City of Carson council has been taking acting lessons from the Italian National Football team... If anyone wonders about the state of local politics this is probably a prime example. Here are a few local cuckolds in the midst of a constant pissing contest. Somewhat typical.

If you need further proof look no further than the recent budget negotiations in Cook County... It magically ran down to the wire when amazingly at the 11th hour both sides reached a compromise that will effect everyone but the entrenched Stroger camp....Lame.

$5 to anyone who can tell me...

2008-02-28T20:03:00.001-08:00

Where is the largest room in the world? Yeah, room. Try to find that shit. Impossible. (Unless, of course, I'm just an idiot).

Training for my upcoming bout.

2008-02-25T19:02:00.000-08:00

I know the ones of readers out there are dying to hear about the training for my upcoming boxing exhibition is going. In short, it's going great. I haven't had to change my eating or drinking or drugging habits one bit. In fact, sometimes I drink a bit before training!

But seriously, I'm all about focus for this upcoming bout against Eric Roberts...yes, that Eric Roberts. The one who went to Conant High School (and who may or may not have starred in 1989's Best of the Best), the same school of my wife.

Needless to say, I've been pumping HGH to prepare for the fight. I've also been training with Steve Brule.

Additionally, I'm sparring with the bouncer from Matilda's. And my buddy from Matilda's isn't the best sparring partner. He likes to swing for the fences (which my nose doesn't appreciate as evidenced by the blood trickling down to the moustache). In fact, the other day, more seasoned guys around the ring suggested we (read: him) take it down a notch since this was only training. Though I aprreciated getting popped in the nose a few times, I have to agree, taking it down a level would be nice. I mean, we both suck. The least we can do is attempt to get better at actually boxing.

But seriously. I'm looking forward to whooping up on Julia Roberts' brother. Best of the Best? How about Awesomest of the Awesomest?

Fuck your hope. Let's get Real.

2008-02-20T16:52:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: Ah. Today's political campaigns are basically just tit-for-tat bullshit that have little to do with qualifications or potential for leadership. If one campaign sends more mail to you, or buys more ad time, that candidate is likely to win. I'm an Obama supporter, so take what I say with appropriate grain of salt.

Je-sus Christ. Am I really hearing Hillary's campaign trying to stomp out the hope and desires of young people? She's losing. I get it. She's going to try anything to get back in this thing. But c'mon, busting out the idealist vs. realist argument lets me know exactly what kind of President she would be...check this new line of attack:

Speaking at Hunter College in Manhattan on Wednesday morning, Mrs. Clinton said Mr. Obama was running on a thin resume and empty rhetoric. “It is time to get real,” she said. “To get real about how we actually win this election and get real about the challenges facing America. It’s time we moved from good words to good works, from sound bites to sound solutions.”

That's some shit that old people say to young folks..."All right, son, get your head out of the clouds. You're not going to college. Now grab your lunch pail and get to the factory." Sheez. You'd think Barck was talking about ending the Arab-Israeli conflict the way she's trying to smack him down. He's basically calling for the same thing Hillary's calling for. Only difference: he says it ten times better.

But I forgot that Hillary's the one true candidate talking about real solutions. Such as...Hillary knowing what it's like to work on the "night shift" as her new ad and messaging suggests. Growing up in Park Ridge must've been tough. I mean rich people live there now, but who knows what it was like 40 years ago...oh wait, it was full of rich "night shift" workers. And working nights to pay for Yale Law School must've been tough. (Rule of thumb: middle and working class communities don't have country clubs).

See, I don't take any candidate for office's claims to seriously. What's the point? But when you start attacking a message that's getting young people involved and hopeful about politics, I got a fucking problem with that. A big fucking problem. In fact, I'd rather hear you question Barack's blackness than try to stomp out a generation's call, hope, and desire for change. Real classy, lady.

Why don't you and your old-as-fuck supporters go fuck yourselves. Not a question.

For One Night Only...

2008-02-19T18:34:00.000-08:00

I stand in support of the people of Wisconsin. Though one may rightly question their wisdom on everything else, and especially in football, they proved wise beyond there geographical boundaries in supporting Barack. Obama.

A toast to the cheddar-heads! Yah hey dare!

I'm what they call a "streaky" poster.

2008-02-17T19:09:00.001-08:00

So be sure to read the posts below.

But moving on. I saw Chris Rock Friday evening. He was great. And I learned the only time that white folks can use the "n" word. I'll fill you honkey's in later on when you can be a racist.

For now, however, I'd like to hear when the 4 of you think it's acceptable for whitey to use the "n" word.

Only if you're not a racist.

2008-02-17T18:57:00.001-08:00

I had the opportunity to watch Barack's speech after his huge wins in the Potomac primaries last week with a bunch of other progressives. It was great to watch his beauty with other like-minds. So, in case you missed his rousing remarks from Packerland, here's a clip from his website. I encourage you to look for the speech in its entirety because it was truly brilliant.

And for the haters, feel free to search for Hillary or McCain's crap-ass speeches after the MD, VA, and DC primaries. I'm sure they were terrific.

I'm hoping this isn't just a translation issue.

2008-02-17T18:26:00.000-08:00

So, in breaking with our fine tradition of in-depth political analysis by way of "Daily Show" clips, I have an actual quote from the Chicago Tribune's political blog to deconstruct. Apparently, President Bush recently visited Tanzania. Whilst there, he was asked a question about the popularity of Barack Obama amongst Africans. He deflected the question to his host, the Tanzanian President, who said this:

“Well, I don't think I can venture into that territory, either,’’ Kikwete replied. “Of course, people talk with excitement of Obama -- well, our excitement is that President Bush is at the end of his term, and the U.S. is going to get a new president, whoever that one is. For us, the most important thing is, let him be as good friend of Africa as President Bush has been.’’

So, did I just read that the President of Tanzania, who is seemingly supportive of President Bush, said that his people are as excited about Barack Obama as they are to see the George W. Bush's tenure end? I truly hope this was an accurate translation. Because it's classic.

Youre going to have to talk to my supervisor...

2008-02-09T17:05:00.000-08:00

Since the Christmas Poo, Mr. Dukes, wont post often enough I am left to continue the tradition of including a video with each post. Essentially there is no real hope on either side of the line when it comes to this year’s election. Billary and Hobama will be tied until the convention less the super delegates jump over en mass. And on the Republican side the winner is going to be McCain. If you are looking for a further explanation of the issues on the Republican side just watch below...

In my eyes we are in a time of strange political happening and I hope we can come out ahead.

Oh yeah Dukes' real identity is that of Andy Stumpf. Just in case you wanted to send him some hate mail or some other kind of fan mail.

Yeah...this is the problem.

2008-02-01T15:55:00.000-08:00

With the Super-Duper Tuesday approaching, I figured I'd drop some knowledge bombs on fools. So, this is a chicken and egg situation: Did negative ads and direct mail make the voters more dumb? Or, are voters just dumb enough to make these political tactics effective? I think "A Daily Show" nails it.

It's both, but those guys are fucking douchebags.

Go Away...I'm Bait'n

2008-01-30T12:53:00.000-08:00

With the huge focus on political events over the past year not to mention that we are in an election year, its hard to go about your day without being inundated with rhetoric. For those of you that missed the recent SOTU address I have linked here probably the best comparative analysis you will ever find.

Thursday is going to be Na-Nawsome

2008-01-27T18:57:00.000-08:00

Why may you ask.....

Cause one of the best shows on TV right now is coming back. LOST. Its pretty fucking rad. I do admit that it lost some steam as of lately but the previews for this season are off the chain.

In honor of that I present you the following.

....

2008-01-25T12:24:00.000-08:00

Fuck. Heath Ledger is really dead. Now my life is over.

For the Duker..Totally Awesome

2008-01-11T19:05:00.000-08:00

Fitting, perhaps ironic, and definitely N'Awesome

2008-01-03T23:01:00.000-08:00

So, here's another tale from my soccer-fight league:

It's playoff time folks. Our sucky team rallied late in the season and rode into the playoffs on a 2 game win streak. We had a game tonight at 10:45pm. You know, the natural time to play a soccer game on a weekday. I wore my long-sleeved Amnesty International shirt to the game. Our team was depleted and only had two subs. We're losing 4 or 5-1 with about 2 minutes left. I'm thankful to be on the bench grabbing a breather (I logged lots of minutes tonight, only taking about 6 minutes worth of bench time). Then it happened.

I don't see the initial foul on our player, but I did see the reaction of our goalie, who ran over and pushed the offending player hard into the boards.

LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!

The other guy proceeds to throw a wild haymaker (not like the kind they teach me in my MMA class) that lands. Benches clear, and I hobble back onto the field to play the role of peacemaker. To my knowledge, no more punches were thrown, but folks on both sides were being douchey. The ref kicks the punch-thrower and one of our players who was getting wild out of the game. In fact, the ref brilliantly told both players to leave the benches, and they did so at the exact same time. The two buddies continue to discuss Motzart as they walked next to each other.

And, surprise, surprise. The original puncher laid my teammate out with a shot to the eye. We all run off the field (mind you, there's still time left in the game) to "break it up". I get there to actually help break it up. This little melee drags all the way to the exit where one of my other teammates nobly but stupidly tries to stop the puncher from leaving the building until the police arrive by grabbing a hold of his shirt. At this point, it's him, me, and 2 more of our players and the rest of their team (8-10). It was split-second from being an all-out brawl in the lobby area. Thankfully for my face, I was able to get our guy to see the futility of attempting to keep the puncher in the building.

Pretty shitty experience. I've been in a number of soccer fights, but they've always stayed on the field. Had anyone else besides this one douche bag thrown a punch, I'm not sure how the brawl would've been broken up. There was NO one around. My teammate's face is cut and bruised along the eye area. The security at this joint is non-existent (the guys who used to run the league hired an off-duty cop for security--that would've been helpful here).

Stupid Amnesty International shirt. Way to bring the nonviolence.

NAWESOME...

2008-01-02T18:18:00.000-08:00

So for a bit I have been struggling with a somewhat broken computer. I cant play games on it but I also haven't been to quick to diagnose the problem. Ill either get around to fixing it or just put a new one together. But tonight as I sat writing an email on my laptop my TV stopped working. Right in front of my fucking eyes my TV gave out.

I have done the requisite online reading and will attempt a repair tomorrow but come fucking on I just got through Christmas and spent a shit load of money only to have my TV fucking die. Lame. I kinda feel like this guy right now...

Time to rip shit up...

2007-12-25T00:46:00.000-08:00

Well its here so get at it...

Whilst I am off on the west coast in mid 70's weather the rest of my cronies are stuck in the barren wasteland of chicago where its cold. Merry Saturnalia to you DBs and since most of my posts have a video attached here you go

Now that Friday is over with

2007-12-21T23:47:00.000-08:00

If you don't know, RDuce is a big fan of hockey. So when hes not spending time vacationing like a member of the Griswald family, he goes to a game or two. In fact the last one we went to ended up a bit like this for him...

Why corporations and people sucks ass...

2007-12-20T19:32:00.000-08:00

So I was made to exercise my utmost restraint today when I was witness to the ineptitude of life in corporate America. Now these same circumstances could exist in every employment environment and by god if they do all hope for this world that I might of had has been flushed like a turd. And now for my story...

We were called into a quarterly meeting to discuss some relatively useless shit today. In truth I would say 4/5 of this meeting was pointless chest beating by the heads of the respective departments.

For my portion of this meeting, as it was spread across several locations therefore making it a "virtual" meeting, took place in a small conference room. In this room there was a long table with a projector displaying slides of the meetings various topics. Although there were maybe 12 people in the room I was sat near the far end of the table away from the projection screen.

The projector was placed too close to the screen making the slides difficult to read for those of us on the opposite side of the room. Being proactive I asked the person who set up the projector to move, actually I said scoot, the projector back a few inches to increase the size on the screen.

His reply.... Uhhhhh. Which translates to no.

We then suffered through some more slides and when some guy, who I have never seen before in my life, was explaining a slide that must of included his entire CV as well as the first few chapters of War and Peace I knew i had enough. I then approached my boss and asked him to move it. He then said something to his boss. She the fooled with the video cable and then consulted with her boss who was the host of the meeting.

After this seemingly simple request filtered its way up the chain of command the eventual outcome from my bosses bosses boss was for those of us in the back of the room to "move up." I neglected to mention that the meeting was temporarily stopped while the potential move of a overhead projector was discussed.

I hate people...

Update from RDukes: Um, please phrase posts in terms of "awesome/nawesome" and not the "suckiness" paradigm.

And yes, I did just add to the Aw-Some Blog lexicon. Since I love corporations and efficiency, I've shortened "not awesome" to "nawesome".

Awesome Ramblings

2007-12-19T18:55:00.000-08:00

So, here's some thoughts on things in no particular order...

-Jamie Lynn Spears, 16 years old, is pregnant. It's not all that unusual for a 16 year old to get pregnant, but it's rare to hear of a 16 year old celebrity (is she one?) getting knocked up. I'm loving all the discussion of what kind of message this sends to other 16 year olds.

-Undercover cop banged on my door today. He had what looked to be a warrant and was looking for my neighbor. Just like I learned on "The Wire", I didn't say a word. I ain't no snitch! Plus, I really don't know anything about the neighbor in question, other than the fact that she's not around much.

-A friend of mine described someone I know as a "wet fart". He's right on with the assessment too. That's probably the worst thing you can say about another person. There's nothing good or funny about a "wet fart", or shart. And so if that's what you're like, a bit of shit juice in the underwear and on my asscrack, you really fucking suck. And if a nice guy like my friend thinks you're a "wet fart", you might be the worst person in the world.

-The opposite of a "wet fart" is the new Lupe Fiasco album, The Cool. Just downloaded it yesterday, and I have to say, it's pret-ty good. Check out his video for "Dumb It Down":

Awesomeness from my Childhood

2007-12-02T18:52:00.000-08:00

Though I no longer watch (fake) professional wrestling, it was, upon much reflection, a big part of my childhood. I remember watching WWF and then wrestling with my father as early as 3 or 4 years old. Gotta say, it was pretty awesome.

I continued to watch wrestling through my teens (and for a brief period, again, in college), and "The Ultimate Warrior" was one of my favorite wrestlers (favorite tag team: "Legion of Doom", previously known as "Road Warriors"). Sometimes taking a fresh look at your favorite childhood things isn't a good idea. This isn't one of those times. Clearly, I knew awesome from an early age. Just check out what "the Warrior" had to say to the "Warrior Nation".

Does Aw-Some Support Huckabee for Prez?

2007-11-30T13:51:00.000-08:00

No. We don't support white candidates, only the black ones. So when your primary comes around, vote for Barack Obama. Aw-some approved.

While we don't support Huckabee, it's hard to deny that his latest web ad (I assume it's a web ad and not actually on the air) is pret-ty good.

I initially saw that Chuck Norris endorsed Huckabee, and I figured it was going to be a regular ad (and I was prepared to like Chuck Norris less because of it). However, I was pleasantly surprised with the ad's play on the whole Chuck Norris phenomenon.

Roman Helmets and What Not

2007-11-28T13:27:00.000-08:00

In this segment, I continue my crusade to reward quality language use on non-HBO/FX television.

This week, the nod goes once again to the CW. On "Aliens in America" (which, by the way, has the worst. theme-song. ever.), not only used the phrase "roman helmet" but also properly described it as hanging one's genitals on another individual's face.

Luckily for you all, I couldn't find a picture of a "roman helmet" in google image search (with the filter off).

Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!

2007-11-27T18:52:00.000-08:00

No, I didn't make that up. It's a show on Cartoon Network. Tim and Eric, the shows creators, clearly understand awesomeoness and have not used the term recklessly. I watched a few clips online, and holy shit, it's awkward ha-ha funny. Check this clip:

It truly captures that public access feel.

Speaking of public access, does anyone else feel like Misanthrope's posts on this blog are public access-esque?

The First Annual Slapsgiving Eve Dinner

2007-11-22T05:53:00.000-08:00

Last night was our first annual Thanksgiving Eve dinner. We went for some chinese and I have to say, although some attendees may not think so, the highlight of the dinner was the beef sticks. Nonetheless it was a good time and I was thankful for the company.

I hope everybody is having a blast with the fam today....

So theres this lull

2007-11-14T18:13:00.000-08:00

I know this blog hasn't been kept up to date as our reader would like it to but I think I will try to change that...

In the meantime I have this little tid bit for you.

Yes! More Douche-ery on CW.

2007-11-05T19:28:00.001-08:00

I just started recording "Aliens in America". I'm on my second episode, and the show just went way up in my cool book.

Why? Two douche references within 30 seconds.

The show has some decent social commentary about acceptance, treatment of immigrants in the U.S. in a post-9/11 world and all that good stuff. But c'mon, pushing the envelope of acceptable language is way more important.

And by the way, let me take this moment to declare something not at all awesome: any show, I'm looking at you "Battlestar Galactica", that instead of using actual curse words uses fake swear words like "frac". Though a seemingly clever way to use the word fuck, this instead is as cool as using "fudge". I like this show (though I haven't spent nearly enough time plowing through the newer series), but this is pretty douchey. While the writers are at it, why not add "shoot", "darn" and "a-hole" to the lexicon.

"Battlestar Galactica" could learn a lesson from the shows on CW: take the incremental steps toward a better society and use the tools at your disposal (douche, bitch, asshole, shit, and maybe even shitballs). Don't go trying to start some new words that emulate "bad" words. That's like giving the gays civil unions instead of just letting them experience, uh, joy of real marriage. It's second-class and wrong.

I'm no Chomsky, but bad words on TV = awesome.

2007-10-31T18:59:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, one of the reasons I love most all shows on HBO is the filthy, filthy language (and boobies, or more recently on "Tell Me You Love Me", old man cock). I swear a whole bunch, and I like it when the TV, movies, and books I consume use colorful language as well. Rings more true to me.

So, I've been pleasantly surprised with recent developments in non-HBO TV. Now, shows on FX like "Rescue Me", "Nip/Tuck", and "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" have used everything minus the Fuck-bomb for a while now. Shit, pussy, bitch, asshole: all are fair game in those shows, and I appreciate that. The good shows plus the swearing (and partial nudity) almost get it up to HBO territory.

But I post today to applaud the uptick in inappropriate language on other channels like CW and TBS. They still aren't going all the way, but I'm hearing more bitches and, more importantly, douche bags. In fact, the slightly above-average "My Boys" on TBS had an entire episode dealing with heavy subject matter: one of the main characters was acting like a "douche bag". Now that's terrific television.

I can only hope that the networks continue down this path toward filth. My life will be more enjoyable. And, my inappropriate language will become more mainstream.

So fuck you and your douche bag kids, bitches.

(Please note that I resisted posting an image of a douche bag to accompany this post. I'd like folks to know, however, that a Google image search for "douche bag" comes up with a picture of Bill O'Reilly and a few pictures of the lead singer from 'Thrope's favorite band in the world, Creed.)

Fuck me.

2007-10-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

Remember when I posted about how great The Wire was a while back. Well, I totally jinxed the show. Apparently, the upcoming 5th season will be the last. It'll focus on the media, and I'm certain it will be awesome.

Theoretically, I'm all for shows ending on top rather than dragging on. But it still sucks, especially considering a mediocre season of The Wire would be better than most anything else on television. I could've easily tolerated many more seasons of The Sopranos.

I can only hope that David Simon and his creative partner Ed Burns (no, not the Ed Burns my wife fantasizes about) create something else for HBO. (Update: Having finished the long, long article I link to below, it looks as though Simon and Burns will begin work on an Iraq-themed miniseries for HBO.)

In case you won't take my word for how awesome the show is, take a look at what a slightly higher-brow publication, The New Yorker, has to say about the show.

For those who think I'm overreacting, please consider that I've lost some great HBO programs over the past year or so: The Sopranos, Deadwood, Rome, John From Cincinnati, and even Six Feet Under (though it's not on par with the others listed here). This is cramping my Sunday night style. HBO, you got some work to do.

Just in case your Monday wasn't good enough..

2007-10-29T18:53:00.000-07:00

I know some of you had a great day and this could make it that much better. I know its not a personally picked picture of a miniature penis like Dukes would offer but it does have the same effect...

Congrats to 'Thrope for finally getting a Wii.

2007-10-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

Those of us who have known blog contributor Optimistic Misanthrope have long been aware of his problem...

He lacked a Wii.

It was always kind of awkward. He just never had that swagger that comes with having a Wii. He wouldn't even bring girls back to his apartment because of this deficiency.

We're so proud of him. He finally got his Wii. It's good that we can joke about it now.

Next question: when will 'Thrope get some matching balls?

Update......

2007-10-18T12:26:00.000-07:00

So last night after what seemed like hours of waiting I got impatient enough to search out a Wii. Trudging through traffic on Western Ave I went to 3 different Targets and 1 Best Buy without any luck. The out of the corner of my eye I spyed a gaining store in the parking lot of the Target on Addison. Low and behold they had one and I made my purchase!

My review is as follows...

I played the sports games that it came with and after I had overcome the initial learning curve I can say it was pretty cool. Down side to it is that it may become less cool as time goes on but for now its great. The boxing is fun and so is the baseball. Golf is a little picky with your follow through. To a small extent the bowling suffers from this same problem but it is easier to overcome.

In my purchase I also bought the new Zelda game. This is the complete opposite from the sports games as I promptly sat down and turned into a giant sloth while playing. Nonetheless it was a good buy.

If you need more convincing if this was a good purchase versus buying a PS3 or an Xbox look at this....

Can I get a.....

2007-10-17T13:06:00.001-07:00

Do you know whats not awesome?

Trying to buy something that is hard to find. I have been trying for the last couple days and all I am left with is one question...

Can a brother get a Wii?

By the topic of this post you can guess the answer to that question. I have taken to extreme measures in order to procure one. I have installed a widget on my desktop that will notify me when certain retailers have one in stock. I also have bookmarked anther page that will show me similar results. I am looking into buying one via EBay but I am still a little sketchy on that avenue.
As of today there was one retailer that had one available and that was Walmart. First of all its Walmart (automatic disqualification). Secondly the bundle they were offering was $650 before taxes. Although this was a "good deal" it is still a little more that I wanted to spend. If jesus would stop hating me for a minute I may be able to get one.

AS of right now I am resolved to get one soon but that may wait based on other needs. Nonetheless though I am going to get one of those bastards before the spring when they release a Star Wars game based on using lightsabers. In complete contrast to this post the fact that there will be a lightsaber game is TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME!!!11!

I needed more Cowbell, but the Dude didn't oblige.

2007-10-15T20:12:00.000-07:00

We're getting a bit heavy on YouTube clips, but that's mostly because the two contributors for this blog are too lazy to write a post without a prop to comment on. In keeping with that tradition...

I attended a wedding the other night. It was at a swank place. And that can only mean one thing: top-shelf liquor and an open bar. Because I'm a man of limited means, I like to take advantage of these situations by starting my night with a few Jameson's on the rocks. Then I move on to Heineken or Amstel Light, depending on my mood. I did just that and as tends to happen, I reached the awesome zone. For those not familiar, the awesome zone is that perfect moment while drinking when you have a good buzz going but yet are still coherent enough to discuss political philosophy, if necessary. It's a great place to be, and 2 Jameson's will usually get me there.

Unfortunately, I wasn't in the awesome zone for long. I spent maybe a half hour there before moving on to, well, just being drunk. Thankfully, there were plenty of folks more drunk than me. However, I was with the in-laws (who rarely, if ever, enter the awesome zone, let alone get drunk), so I still had to watch myself.

I didn't do anything to get me in trouble the next day. I did bust out a few sweet dance moves (stole Seth Rogen's rolling dice move from Knocked Up--used it almost exclusively, in fact). Then I noticed that the live band had a cowbell player. I tried so hard to get that dude to bang the fuck out of that thing by quoting Chris Walken's Bruce Dickenson in that awesome SNL clip. I was unsuccessful the first time. But that didn't stop me. I tried three more times, but apparently the douche bag hadn't seen the SNL sketch I was referencing.

Or, maybe the guy was just trying to do his job and was ignoring me. From my perspective, though, he missed an opportunity to be awesome. In honor of my attempt, I share the "More Cowbell" clip.

Official Friday Awesomeness

2007-10-11T22:31:00.000-07:00

I appreciate 'Thrope getting the party started right for Friday with some good 'ol Giraffe fighting. In keeping with that theme, here are some humans actually fighting.

And this, my friends, is the reason hockey, when played properly (like in this clip), is an awesome sport. It doesn't get more awesome than dudes on skates trying to kick the shit out of each other. This was all in one game.

Tonight at RDukes' soccer game (we won both, thank you very much), a hockey game broke out when some douche stupidly threw a punch at one of our players. We had more guys, however, and we were bigger (and by bigger, I basically mean fatter). What an idiot. He got put on the ground ASAP.

Then one of my buddies jumped in an "attempt" to break up the fight. How did he do that? By punching some other guy in the back of the head. Pretty sure he broke his hand. So what do we learn from this incident? 3 things.

1. Don't throw a punch when the other team has more guys and are bigger than your team.

2. Don't try to break up a fight by throwing an additional punch (doesn't really send the right message).

3. Don't punch people in the back of their head, because it's more likely than not harder than your fist (unless you're talking about a baby's head--which you probably shouldn't be punching anyhow).

Man, I drops knowledge.

Pre-Friday Awesomeness

2007-10-11T16:17:00.000-07:00

I wish I can see more things like this...I think this could be Michael Vick's next Federal Offense.....

What's more awesome than being a God of War?

2007-10-05T21:55:00.000-07:00

Nuthin'. That's what.

Just playing God of War II for the ol' PS2, and it's pretty sick. I'm on a mission of revenge against Zeus, that motherfucker who sent me to Hades. What a prick.

Only downside to being a God of War...sore thumb.

Awesome/Not Awesome Highlights from Yesterday

2007-10-04T11:20:00.000-07:00

Awesome: getting on a flight with 137 seats and only 34 people.

Bonus Awesome: your bag waiting for you at the baggage claim.

Not Awesome: Cubs losing to the Douche-backs last night.

Bonus Not Awesome: Being so tired that you fall asleep in the 8th inning...ruining any chance of a Cubs rally. I take full responsibility for the loss.

It all begins tonight...

2007-10-03T11:31:00.001-07:00

Cubs play the Diamondbacks tonight at 9 CST.... and in case RDukes still had any hope Id like to remind him of the following:

But so he doesnt get too mad....

Guide to the election 2008 style

2007-10-02T18:39:00.000-07:00

Way back in November of 2008 I wish I had this when I was considering which person to vote for...

Guide to the Democratic Candidates

Cubs Win Division Title--Fucking Awesome!

2007-09-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

This is awesome. The guys in the clubhouse are having a great time. Great to see. Kudos to the older black guy in the clubhouse who continues to pour champagne on whoever's getting interviewed by Comcast Sports. That never gets old!

Now it's time to bring it home, Cubbies. Bring home the big dog.

Some more Friday Awesomeness: Johnnie Walker and The Most Awesome Show on TV

2007-09-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

What's the most awesome show on television? It is NOT any of the following: Lost, The Sopranos, Deadwood, Scrubs, The Office, Grey's Anatomy, or American Idol.

Nor is it any of these: Desperate Housewives, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Battlestar Galactica, So You Think You Can Dance?

In fact, the most awesome show on television is...The Wire.

Thems the facts. This show totally rules over all other shows. Unless you're a dumbass jerk who doesn't agree with this judgment.

And if that's the case, you shouldn't be reading a blog all about awesome.

If you're unsure of my assessment, I challenge you to drink a little Johnnie Walker (red label, let's not get too fancy) and watch a couple of episodes of The Wire.

Since they aren't the type to brag on themselves (ahem, Sopranos), I just felt the need to declare with all my might how awesome The Wire is. It's great for many reasons. However, what makes it particularly awesome is the fact that each season gets better and better. I actually started watching the show in the middle of season 3 (way awesome). Then I watched season 4 (the most recent) in its entirety (fucking awesome). I then used my Blockbuster service to get seasons 1 and 2 (awesome and awesome, respectively).

What's the show about, you might reasonably ask? Well, I don't feel like describing it. So here's one of the show's creators, David Simon, doing it for me:

"Thematically, it's about the very simple idea that, in this postmodern world of ours, human beings—all of us—are worth less. We're worth less every day, despite the fact that some of us are achieving more and more. It's the triumph of capitalism."

"Whether you're a corner boy in West Baltimore, or a cop who knows his beat, or an Eastern European brought here for sex, your life is worth less. It's the triumph of capitalism over human value."

A real feel-good show, you know. Now, don't get all worried. The show can be that heady if you want it to be. However, it can also just be a damned good show set in Baltimore about the Police and the Politicians, and the Drug Dealers. It works on simple and complex levels.

Some Friday Awesomeness

2007-09-27T18:17:00.001-07:00

I typically don't find television ads to be too awesome. Most of them, to be honest, would probably land on the "not awesome" list if I cared to waste my time and post on that kind of stuff. Since this blog is much too important for that, however, I don't bother.

Over the past two weeks I've been entranced with the new ad for Halo 3. Now, I've never played Halo 1 or 2, and I don't plan on playing Halo 3. This is mostly because I can't stand playing first-player games. I get headaches, plus I suck. Not sure which is the chicken or the egg there.

Anywho, this commercial is awesome. So awesome, in fact, that it almost made me suck it up and just buy a shitload of Advil so that I could play it. The commercial does something that good movies can do...it causes me to feel some emotion. And there's no words!

First feeling: oh shit, earth is getting destroyed. As the ad continues, the music moves me to feel the slightest bit of hope...that the humans just might have a fighting chance against these douche-bag aliens who are attacking us for no good reason. That's, of course, if you don't suck at playing the game and blow it for all of us. I'll leave it to others to save us from impending doom.

So kudos to the fuckers who came up with this piece. It almost did its job by getting me to buy it.

Competitive Sports Rule!

2007-09-22T23:48:00.001-07:00

MMA stands for Mixed Martial Arts and is better known in the U.S. as Ultimate Fighting (or, totally straight, non-gay dudes rolling around trying to dominate each other--in a completely hetero, not homo, kind of way). I find it awesome for a number of reasons, but I won't discuss all of those reasons in this post.

So, I just got finished watching the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) pay-per-view event this evening. The match-ups didn't promise to be all that exciting, but I couldn't help but order because I'm a nerd.

Even if all the fights went according to who was better on paper, I figured it'd be good to see Shogun Rua's UFC debut. Also, it couldn't hurt to see Chuck Liddell comeback from his loss to "Rampage" Jackson. I was also looking forward to seeing Diego Sanchez lose again (he just annoys me).

Well, I was able to see Diego Sanchez lose again...but even that didn't go as well as I anticipated since I actually like Sanchez more after his loss. The kid showed heart and humility. Hard to hate that.

And then all hell broke loose. Forrest Griffin beat Mauricio "Shogun" Rua (that' Rua with an "H" sound--Poutegese, bitch). To put this in perspective: Rua was ranked number 1 or 2 in almost all rankings at 205 lbs. Griffin wasn't ranked and was thought of as a sacrificial lamb for Rua's debut in the UFC. As if that weren't enough, Keith "The Dean of Mean" Jardine (I kid you not) beat former light-heavyweight champion Chuck Liddell in a 3-round brawl.

That's why the sport of MMA is awesome. Over the past year, the number of hu-ge upsets in this sport is unbelievable. A quick count: I think there have been at least 7 huge upsets in the past year...at least 3 of those for titles.

When we watch sports, of course we want our favorite team to win. And if they happen to be the awesome team (Bulls during the 90's for me) we're fine with the fact that there is a lack of competition. Beyond that, however, most sports fans crave a good upset.

MMA/UFC has delivered those upsets this year. Some people consider this a negative for the sport since newer fans have trouble wrapping their heads around the fact that their favorite fighters are unlikely to go undefeated and/or lose to someone they've never heard of. Simple fact is: getting hit with a good punch or having a bad night is not that uncommon.

So that's why mixed martial arts is awesome. I like to feel all torn up inside after a sporting event. Either I'm feeling on top of the world because my Cubbie's are about to make the playoffs (fingers crossed...go Brewers' opponents!). Or, if my guy or team loses, I'm feeling all anxious and unsure about life itself. Either way, it distracts me, however momentarily, from life. And that's what sports for me is about: having an irrational bond with a game that has no impact on my well-being. Tonight, the game was a controlled fight with rules. And tonight, I feel totally irrational about this shit.

And that's awesome.

Fantasy Sports for the Somewhat Disinterested

2007-09-19T08:33:00.000-07:00

I am currently embroiled in 2, yes count em, 2 different fantasy football leagues and there may be no real explanation as to why. I have never been a omniscient purveyor of sports and their statistics...just ask R Dukes. I do like sports, I played them when I was younger, but I do not possess an almanac-esque knowledge base of sporting history.
I am in these leagues for fun. My work league is fun because it offers me further opportunities to harass and make fun of my co-workers. I work with some pretty cool people and on the other hand I also work with some basement dwelling ogres who are socially inept. Needless to say my repertoire of smart-ass comments and comebacks is always put to good use. The second league I am in is with a few friends of mine and is a $25 buy in. I know its not much money but seeing as I just ended my fantasy baseball league which cost me $107.50 and not to mention was awful. This league was manned by the guys that in high school were voted "Least Likely to Evolve" (present company excluded). They were all friends of friends, save 3 of them, and I didn't enjoy it one bit.
The second league is better cause it is with my close friends and one guy even named his team after my actions during the weekend of another league member's bachelor party. That was awesome! I don't mind losing $25 to a group of friends...Hell I don't even mind losing $20 to some of the same people at our semi-monthly poker night. In fact some may say I enjoy it.
The worst part is that because I choose to partake in these leagues that the assumption is made that I will be good. In essence I rarely ever do good in them and if I do lose it is readily pointed out by R Dukes as a glorious revelation. Trust me its not. I wonder if at all if he will do at least 1 of 2 things. First...Will he be as excited if I actually win and make another attempt at being humorous. Second will he get my name right.
These are yet to be seen but I remain hopeful. Until then I will continue my mediocre streak in all fantasy sports.

Now if they had fantasy leagues for stuff that I was good at then I would totally pwn the likes of RDukes and NBE DOWO (name is disguised to keep his anonymity). I need a Fantasy league based on making fun of people or watching TV. I'm pretty good at those.

Friday Awesomeness

2007-09-14T08:28:00.001-07:00

Just a little something to start your weekend off right...

After our earlier post on the New Zealand All Black's pre-game ritual, I'll have to add "good at dancing" to my list of things I know about New Zealanders. The only other thing I know is Lord of Rings.

And if you enjoyed the clip above, check this duet from the final scene of this season's Flight of the Conchords. I do believe this is more awesomer.

Continuing our look at Rugy: Awesome Fans?

2007-09-14T07:08:00.000-07:00

This is another installment in our occassional series on awesome things about Rugby, except for the actual game.

There fans seem to share similarities with soccer/football fans across the globe (not including American soccer fans, of course, who don't care about soccer). Namely, that they like to get really loaded before, during, and after the games. Check out the jovial nature of thes Aussie rugby fans...

See, hippies, it's not just American frat boys who can be total and complete dicks.

Here's an awesome idea: Maybe we should just send all our American frat boys over to Australia. Seems like a good place to send the unwanteds of our society.

10965 and 1

2007-09-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

Today is the day after that day for me. Yep ya'all yesterday was my birthday. Was it awesome. You fucking bet my unwelcomed spare-tire it was. I got to go to work and watch two movies from my desk. I was just shy of putting my feet up on my desk and hanging out. The only reason I didn't was my P.O.S. chair is like 2 degrees shy of a comfortable angle. Also yesterday I got to play with a new laptop that we are "evaluating". I like this kind of stuff so i made it my priority for the day. After work I met R Dukes and another guy and some ladies at a restaurant for dinner. Good dinner, good drinks, and the Cubs won!!! The only strange part of the night was when one of the owners of the restaurant engaged my in a standoff over the validity of my ID. For about 3 solid minutes she held fast on her position that I had to get my licence renewed. To which I agreed and though it was over. Basically our conversation went something like this...

"You need a new one (ID)"

"I know. It expires today."

"But you're going to need to get a new one!"

"I know. It expires today though"

"You're going to have to get a new one cause we cant serve you if its invalid."

"I know but it expires today"

"You need to get a new one or you could get a ticket after midnight"

"I know but it's still good"

This went on back and forth until she gave my ID back. This whole conversation wasn't really necessary as I already had a beer given to me by the other bartender. Nonetheless this was an interesting opener.

Later El Duque and I went to a bar for a couple more and to possible see Rhode Island. To my dismay Rhode Island wasn't there but they had plenty of beer in glasses...so we had a couple.

All in all a good night. If Jenny from the block had been there I could have tried to ask for her phone number again, but she wasn't. Last time I tried I got shot down but since it was my birthday I could have asked for it as a present.

Thanks to everybody for hanging. Good night out!

Rugby things that are awesome.

2007-09-12T14:25:00.000-07:00

This is the first in an occassional series exploring why the culture of rugby, not the actual game, is awesome.

Today, we see an awesome pre-game ritual by New Zealand All Blacks. Not only is the ritual awesome, but that name is awesome. Ironically, I'm not certain any of the players are black.

Now I don't know how this match turned out, but that bit of theatrics is pretty awesome. It's like synchronized swimming, except for on a rugby field.

Does it smell like old person on this blog?

2007-09-12T07:25:00.000-07:00

Well, only if you have the smell-o-vision card in your computer like I do (internet porn's never quite the same after smelling all that nasty hardcore sex).

Mr. 'Thrope hit the 3-decade mark today. He'll look and feel a little older today. He'll probably receive some emails from AARP. He may slip in the shower. He'll defintely suck even more at fantasy football.

So to our fan base out there (all 3 of you), wish him the best in his final years.

And to 'Thope, let us all know if turning 30 is awesome or not. I SAID, LET US ALL KNOW IF TURNING 30 IS AWESOME OR NOT.

And happy birthday.

My Awesome, Tri-athelete Wife is Awesome-er than your Better Half

2007-09-10T15:42:00.000-07:00

Now, I don't presume to know anything about that special person in your life. But one thing I know for sure, he or she isn't nearly as awesome as my wife.

My wife is much more awesome for any number of reasons...most of which involve her being my wife and putting up with me. But today, I bring you a reason that has nothing to do with putting up with me.

My beautiful bride completed a tri-athalon. Not only that, but she kicked that 3-event sport's ass! Above, you can see her in the blue cap already passing those jerks in the yellow caps who were in the heat before my wife. I believe this is the point during the swim where she (probably) yelled, "Get the fuck out my way you yellow-capped douche bags!"

It's also pretty awesome that my wife likes to call people douche bags (she started that a few months back). She has a pretty good douch-o-meter. So you know that RDukes can't be a douche-bag if she married me (I blew zeroes on the douch-o-meter).

She ran a tri-athalon and that makes her tri-awesomer than all you fools.

I'm so getting laid after she reads this. Nice.

When taking a sobriety test can be awesome.

2007-09-04T12:54:00.000-07:00

Over the holiday weekend, RDukes retired to his lake villa in Wisconsin with his better half. After a long drive, I had a several beers. Then I went to sleep. Pretty boring story, right? Not if the coppers on the Menominee reservation have anything to say about it (which they did). Let's continue the story.

After a good rest, I awoke 8 hours later and drove into town to pick up some supplies (donuts and ice, to be exact). I was cruising at 50mph, which is the speed limit for most of that road. Unfortunately, I happened to be on the stretch that was 35mph. A copper driving the other direction pulled a u-turn and pulled my sorry ass over.

But that's not the end of this long, drawn out story. Not even close. The female copper comes up to my window and said something about speeding. Blah, blah. She asked if that case of beer in my backseat was open. It wasn't. Then she asked if I had been drinking...

I said, "nope."

She said, "were you drikning last night?".

"I was."

"What time did you stop?" the copper said.

"Midnight."

"What time did you start?" the copper said.

"9 o'clock."

"In the morning?"

"In the PM."

"When I walked over, I could smell alcohol right away." She took both of our licenses and went back to her squad car.

I leaned over to my wife so she could smell my breath...Mrs. RDukes doesn't drink, and she couldn't smell any alcohol on me. We figured I'd get a ticket and be done with it.

The officer was on the radio for a while. I forgot that Tribal police don't have jurisdiction over non-natives on the reservation. A white copper showed up from the county sherrif's office. The coppers conversed momentarily. Then Whitey came over and asked me, RDukes, to step out of the car. I obliged.

"The reason I asked you step out is because you reek of alcohol--in fact, when you stepped out, I could smell it right away. We'd like to give you a sobriety test."

"Um, ok," I said.

Now, most of the time, if you take a sobriety test stone-sober, you'd wouldn't expect to feel nervous. I was, though. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was the coppers' insistence that I smelled of alcohol that planted some self-doubt. Whatever the reason, I was probably as nervous as I would be had I been drinking.

Whitey copper proceeded to have me follow the tip of his pen with my eyes, not moving my head. It was particulary difficult for a few reasons, none of which involves alcohol. First, at this point, I'm nervous as fuck. Second, the sun was blasting down, making it particularly difficult to focus on a pen tip. Third, I'm pretty sure he moved it out of my periphery.

I think I failed that test, based on a comment Whitey made later.

Next up, the dreaded walk in a straight line test. I think I did fine on this, but let me tell you, the side of a road is slanted (for runoff, I assume) making it particularly difficult to walk in a straight line. Also, Whitey had me put one foot in front of the other and then took about two minutes to give his directions (walk one foot in front of the other 9 paces--count those paces out loud--then turn and do the same back). Kind of tough to do that hold that position. Plus, I was wearing my new Crocs (very comfortable, but not the best for taking a sobriety test).

Then, the words every driver likes to hear from an officer, "do you mind if I give you a breath test?". I said, "sure, I guess so." The more I thought about it, the more I was thinking I should refuse...I didn't want to chance that I had any alcohol in my system, even though I hadn't drank in nearly 8 hours. I was damn close to telling Whitey that I'd rather not take the test. But, I didn't want to go down to the police department and ruin my first day of the long weekend.

So, he brought the little breath gadget over. He told me to blow long and hard (Now you you know I wasn't drinking because I showed an amazing amount of restraint and didn't say, "that's what she said."). I blew. And then, the officer took the device back.

I waited and pondered for the brief moment that he took to read the result. Would I get a DUI (never had one before)? Would my weekend be ruined? Then I heard the most beatiful words I've ever heard, "Well, you blew zeroes."

I should've said something cool, like, "no shit, I haven't had a drink in 8 hours you prick."

But all I said was, "Thank fucking goodness. Sorry for my language. But you guys had me nervous."

"Well, you smell like you bathed in alcohol," Whitey said. "And do you have something wrong with your right eye, it twitched real bad during the pen test."

I said, "Not that I'm aware of. I think I was just nervous. And the sun was in my eyes."

Whitey said, "Since we put you through these tests, we'll let you off with a warning. Slow down on the road."

"Thank you," I said.

That's the conclusion to this long story and post.

Lesson learned from this experience: if you want to get out of a speeding ticket, pretend like you're drunk so they let you off when you blow zeroes.

Awesome is the new awesome

2007-09-03T10:45:00.000-07:00

Paid holidays from work are pretty awesome but in case you need more examples of how to be awesome try to start this league at your office.

Who Doesn't Love Gallagher?

2007-08-31T11:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my inner-dialogue comes up with some corny-ass jokes. Gallagher-like jokes. So here's a bit of Labor Day humor...

What's the deal with getting a day off of work for Labor Day? Shouldn't we work extra hard on this day.

Apologies to Gallagher if I've ripped off that lame non-joke.

Pretty Awesome

2007-08-31T11:10:00.000-07:00

Who says today's young people are apathetic. After watching this clip, I think you'll agree that the kids are all right.

Not. Fucking. Awesome.

2007-08-28T22:50:00.001-07:00

This evening, I had to drive home from Michigan after a work-related event. I got on the road about 10pm. It's a 2 hour trip, so I reasonably expected to get home around midnight. So what's your point, you ask? Good question.

I didn't get home until closer to 1am. Why? Oh, I don't know, perhaps because they shut down the ramp from the sky way to 90/94 forcing every car and god damn truck onto State St.

Sweet. Closing down a major high for a bit makes sense. I have a certain expectation of not hitting major traffic after 9pm on a week day. Apparently I need to blow that expecation up.

So I was pissed the whole ride home. I just wanted to scream to, not at, somebody. Then I heard a BBC piece on the radio about the first anniversary of Katrina.

Is it...Really?

2007-08-27T12:49:00.000-07:00

If you read below you can see R. Dukes's live blog of the UFC "event" on Saturday night. I use the term "event" lightly as it was 3 dudes, a PlayStation, and some beer. Awesome if you're married...I'm not so this gets entered into the some-what awesome category (I reserve the right to change the status of this at anytime based upon the fact I can do what ever I want to).

So we watched a 3 good hours of man on man "professional" violence. The whole time a decent portion of the octagon was covered in blood. No, not a pool of blood, but someone in an earlier bout really bled a lot. Well after the title bout, which for a change lasted more than 47 seconds, they began to show one of the previous matches. Seeing as I paid my portion of the $60 buy-in I wanted to see the guy who bled all over the place. AMERICA! Fuck yeah!!

Nope, they didn't show it. When I spoke with the Dukes this morning right before he dumped out he said that the UFC chose not to show the previous nights blood-bath in a flailing effort to maintain the "professional" standard of a sport that is all about 2 guys beating the shit out of each other. Yet strangely enough, near the end of the Pay-Per-View extravaganza, there was a promo for the upcoming season of the Ultimate Fighter TV show. On this promo they had 2 short interviews with the new coaches for both teams and then about 4 minutes of twenty-something men breaking shit, kicking in doors, spitting at one another, cursing, and fighting outside of the "professional" setting that is the UFC Octagon.

OK, I get it. You want to establish yourself as a legitimate sport with professional fighters, we'll call it boxing minus Don King, but then why do you insist on having a reality-show in search of the next generation of "professional" fighters and recruit all but giant fucking meat-heads to be on it. I am all for calling things for what they are but this is not even close.

Lesson of the day...UFC 74: RESPECT didn't earn mine.

In the Continual Search of Awesome

2007-08-26T14:19:00.000-07:00

In so much as I can surmise there is a universal understanding of what is awesome. The problem is on what side of that line you end up. According to our benevolent father, R. Dukes, I may lie closer to the non-awesome line than him but we still share a common goal of being as awesome as ever.

In case you are still a little fuzzy about what is or what isn't awesome here are some more examples. They will speak for themselves but I won't be HARSH about it if you don't understand...

Awesome!!!!

Not Awesome

Awesome!!!
Maddox 1
Maddox 2

Not Awesome

Of course...

2007-08-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

just when I stop my "live" blogging, the fight fucking ends.

I don't think it should've been stopped at that point. But that doesn't matter, because it was just a matter of time.

One thing no one is likely to comment on: I think Couture should lose because it was an inadvertant head butt that caused the nose being busted.

Update: Couture just admitted it. He butted Gonzaga's nose in order to win the fight.

Oh wait, Rogan's got something to say now that Couture's cock is out of his mouth.

Nevermind. He's just talking about how good Couture's cock and balls taste, even when sweaty.

Live Blogging for Real

2007-08-25T21:14:00.000-07:00

Herb Dean is the ref, as called by the dude hosting this rocking UFC party.

Gonzaga gets booed. Those fans are stupid. Go Gabriel!

I promise to be as fair as I can be on this. But I'm rooting for Gonzaga.

Couture has a 10 minute long introduction by the poor man's Michael Buffer. Je-sus Christ.

Still going. Are you kidding me.

All right, her we go.

Apparently, Couture's into something called, "dirty boxing". Care to define that, fellas?

Another great line by the commentators: Randy wants to "impose his will on his opponent". Great analysis.

Joe Rogan: "Randy loves these battles of wills". Again, thanks for the insight.

My round 1 thoughts: I don't think Rogan and Goldberg could be slurping Randy Couture any harder. C'mon guys. His ball-sac is sweaty. Get it out of your mouths.

'Thrope just ripped ass. Man he stinks.

Looks like Gonzaga's busted nose will cause him to lose.

A busted nose doesn't look like a fun time...especially against someone who specializes in "dirty boxing".

I'm going to concentrate on the fight...I'll be back shortly.

Almost just wrecked my friend's computer...

2007-08-25T21:11:00.000-07:00

but more seriously, I almost lost the opportunity to do some live blogging...due to the Bud Select that I mishandled.

Couture's intro music sucks too. ACDC just shows your age old man.

I think Joe Rogan and Douchebag are ready to give Couture Sainthood. Didn't I mention that they suck and that I can't wait until HBO starts broadcasting some UFC events. I doubt Max Kellerman would suck as bad.

Live Blogging from house with UFC event...

2007-08-25T21:05:00.001-07:00

All right folks...in case you were too cheap to purchase the PPV event, here's your live results:
GSP just whooped Crackhead Koscheck. Pretty sweet. Looked like Koscheck didn't have enough meth in the back room.

Couture is about to get whooped.

And sorry to save the best for last, but I, of course, won my Madden game against a lesser opponent.

Randy Couture just said he's going to "beat the dog crap" out of his opponent. That's awesome.

Gonzaga's intro music...not awesome.

Joe Rogan and the other tool who handles commentary for UFC...they suck ass and are not awesome.

Big ups to Bud Select for sponsoring this evening of live blogging. Although, next time, it'd be way better if you guys didn't make us pay for the beer.

A Rejoinder to the Blockbuster vs. Netflix comment a while back

2007-08-24T21:27:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to comment on Misanthrope's "Blockbuster vs. Netflix: Which is more awesome?" post. Before I start disagreeing with Mr. Thrope, I first would like to commend him for addressing one of the tough issues in the field of awesome/not awesome. Now let me make a better argument and arrive at a different conclusion.

And let me begin with that conclusion: Blockbuster is a better service.
Reason 1: for the same price as the Netflix packages, I get a better deal at Blockbuster. I get the same number of movies from their online catalogue, but I have the option of exchanging those movies in the physical Blockbuster store for additional titles. I'm not a great counter of things, but I'm pretty sure that means I get more movies per month for my fee. (Additionally, Blockbuster recently sent me a $10 coupon that reduced the price of Madden '08).

That's really the only reason. Other than that, Blockbuster sucks. But I don't buy the argument that Netflix is better and cooler because it's not as big a corporation (not that Misanthrope made such an argument). It's still a big fucking corp., and it doesn't compare financially to a local video store that struggles to get by.

Also, not sure what 'Thrope's comment about Blockbuster being Mormon was about. I just wikipedia'd that shit, and there's no mention of Mormon in the entry. My only thought is that he's referring to their history of selective moral posturing. For a while the chain did not offer "controversial" films like Last Temptation of Christ. I'm fairly certain that policy is no longer in effect, now that Blockbuster has realized that moral posturing doesn't help the bottom line (especially when they rent the entire series of Jerry Springer videos).

To wrap up this post, I do agree on one of 'Thrope's points: these two rental giants need to start renting porn. That would be totally awesome.

Preparing for the big Madden '08 Showdown and UFC

2007-08-24T21:03:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow night should be a pretty awesome night. I've got big plans that involve whooping ass in Madden and then watching totally hetero guys whooping each others asses in the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

So my prediction for Madden is simple: I will win.

I don't have predictions for UFC, but here's who I'd like to win:
-I hope that Gabriel Gonzaga beats Randy "Clothes" Couture.
-I hope that GSP beats Koscheck.
-I don't care much about the other fights.

This is a pretty weak post, I have to admit. But the readers were clamoring for some more posting...figure I'd teach them a lesson demonstrating what happens when the two of them get pushy.

You can't force awesome, or aw-some for that matter, folks.

Have you learned nothing from this blog yet? I can only comment on this blog when something strikes me as awesome. In a way, I have to be inspired, just like the great artists of our world.

My sense is that I'll have some awesome moments this weekend. Until then, hold your fucking horses. Besides, I allegedly have a partner on this blog. And I know for a fact that his standards for awesome-ness are way lower than mine. Send your complaints him. His name is Douchenthrope.

The other side of the coin

2007-08-17T13:58:00.000-07:00

So here I enter in my review of Madden 08.

Lets see now. I know that this game is awesome but yet I fear it lacks a permanent place on the charts. There are some new tricks and features but this is the point at which the game needs not to be released on PS2 anymore. The promise of this game is that it packs more features and better graphics and PS2 is getting tapped out oin this field. For some people, we'll call them my friends, can look at all these new features and their pants begin to shrink. Let me give you an example:
In my first of 2 staggering defeats at the hand of RDukes, I was treated to not only electronic play by play from Madden and Gifford but also from RDukes. It was like stereo plus one. When the magnanimous RDukes would score he would quickly remind me of who he used and the size of their manhood just before the recap by the computerized Gifford. "OH!!!! A 74 yard run by Vernon Davis!!! He's got big junk!" and other proclamations were standard. If the situation were to be reversed I would simply state that I scored with triangle and that I really had no information regarding his penile length.

Although the first game was a slaughter I kept the second game close. I made sure to mask most of my inability by claiming, "I hit the wrong button" or "He went the wrong way." These are nearly impossible to prove wrong. In all honesty as far as being engrossed enough in sports to actually know the names of players and their position I would rank somewhere near the bottom. I think I am right between people in a permanent vegetative state and your mom. All things considered I am still as awesome as I was before despite my lacking skill in Madden 1984-2008.

Over all the game is ok. Its no Oregon Trail but it will do.

Addendum by R-Dukes to make this poor excuse of a post better...
I guess if I sucked ass at a game, I'd also claim that it wasn't awesome. The fact of the matter is, however, that Madden '08 is more awesome than every other Madden game due to the fact that the Bears are so much better in this game. Hester at receiver...unreal. As an aside, the first play of my new Madden season, Hester ran the kickoff back for 94 yards for the score. But moving on...

And since D-Bag Misanthrope decided to cry about his trouncing in Madden, I thought I should add a bit more context. First, he had the superior teams on paper.
Game 1: He was the Saints, and I was the 49ers.
Game 2: He was the Patriots, and I was the J-E-T-S, Jets.

I jibber-jabbered the whole time, in part, because I was stoned. Plus, when you're whooping someone's ass, it's common courtesy to point out exactly how you are doing so. And can I help it if Vernon Davis has a huge dong (at least that's what I'm hearing from Misanthrope's Mom).

But let's get off moms, 'cause I just got my balls off of yours.

Auidi 5000.

Burning Crosses...Not Awesome.

2007-08-17T07:50:00.000-07:00

Not sure if we've mentioned this previously, but the Aw-Some blog officially opposes the Ku Klux Klan and, more generally, racism.

Today on Chicago Public Radio's 848 , Rob Wildeboar put together a terrific story about the White Pride Festival recently held at the, I KKKid you not, International Headquarters of the Ku Klux Klan just outside of South Bend, Indiana. For the full report, go here.

Tons of great stuff contained in the report, plus the website has a slideshow of supporters that you can laugh at, feel pity for, or just be awed by. I've selected a few highlights to comment on. This is the first in a series of occassional comments on the White Pride Festival...

The highlight for the tens of people in attendance was most definitely the cross-burning. Regarding the proper way to burn a cross, the Imperial Douche-bag had this to say:

"The key to a good cross is in the wood. It's definitely in the wood, then myself, I prefer to wrap it in burlap cause that's traditional. You know some may use carpet what have you but I'm just picky cause I believe in the old ways for the most part."

Say what you will about the Klan and the intelligence of its membership, but you gotta give this guy credit for being old-school. I mean, he's bringing it back to the basics. The new generation may try to get away with some carpet from their mother's basement, but this old-timer understands that, in order to send a strong message, you need good wood and some decent burlap.

Bend it like Aw-Some.

2007-08-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

Sir David Beckham had a nice 2nd game in the states. The way things were going, I thought tha he--due to injury and a hostile environment--might be a bust.

Check out his first MLS goal...

And yes, I chose that particular YouTube clip because of the awesome soundtrack.

Do you think his team mates went a little too buck? They were like a bunch of fanboys out there. If America wants to be respectable in soccer around the world, you gots to play that shit cool as a motherfucker. Just pound it out with him on the downlow.

Punking Beethoven

2007-08-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

In all of human history there have been points where something truly amazing is created and therefore transcends all time. Great and meaningful music happens to occupy this category with a great presence. Music is a great uniter under which all societies and people can enjoy its complexity and beauty equally.

A few great composers have added so much to our world with their awesome works. I feel that works like Brahms' First Symphony, John Lennon's Imagine, and AMG's Bitch Better Have My Money are just a few examples of great musical works.

I now would like to enter in another candidate for your consideration. It too speaks words of truth and, if you let it, will touch your soul.

Bears Awesomely Avenge Super Bowl Loss

2007-08-16T09:59:00.000-07:00

At least that's the way events played out when I took control during their 35-21 victory over the Colts in Madden '08.

Benson had a huge game. Over 170 rushing yards. 71 receiving yards. And 3 TDs. Grossman did swell. 230 yards. No interceptions. He managed a smart game plan.

If the '08 Bears are anything like the Madden '08 Bears (when I'm at the helm), I'm predicting a 16-0 season capped off with a Super Bowl victory.

And do you know what that would be? That's right, fucking awesome. Which, in case you didn't know, is the highest official awesome ranking in existence.

I'll keep the blog posted as my Madden '08 season progresses.

Monday...is it awesome? Film at 11!

2007-08-13T20:09:00.000-07:00

Well I haven't worked in the "corporate" environment for too long but there are a couple things that I don't get.
First- Getting dressed up is for the birds. I wear clothes that mingle with the line of business casual and slacker. That is the way to go if you ask me. The only way up is I start wearing stained sweat pants and ringer t-shirts that are a size or two too small. Then we are in an entirely new area of awesome. I am open to debate on this one.
Second- What the fuck is up with all these assholes saying, "Happy Monday!"? Screw that noise. Its fucking Monday which means that Sunday is now over and I am forced to work again. I cannot partake in some Jonestown Kool-Aid drinking bullshit that I'm supposed to be happy about it being Monday.

Here is my awesome offering for the day....